Well another week, another winter, another batch of cinema to praise or condemn. Some sneaky-pie re-makes and some plain, old re-hashed material.
Theatrical Releases:
Madea Goes to Jail (2009) - Now, I'm not going to waste too much time on this one, but the results are what you'd expect if you're familiar with Tyler Perry's films. His Madea character is entertaining and laugh out loud funny at moments, however, the incoherency in tone is rather jarring. One minute Madea is bitch-fighting with Dr. Phil and the next we have a (ahem, unrealistic) scene with a pimp man-handling some prostitutes. With a strange concoction of truly talented actors (Viola Davis; Vanessa Ferlito) and Perry regulars (Tamela & David Mann; Sofia Vergara) Perry's film feels like a Madea reel was microwaved with a mediocre Lifetime mini-series, something more aptly titled "My Name Is Loquita and My Pimp Beats Me." So as not to sound too harsh, I must add that I have done volunteer work that included street outreach helping to get prostitutes off the streets. And let me tell you, Mr. Perry could have learned a thing or two from a little volunteer work. Keshia Knight Pulliam ("The Cosbys"), delivers a pretty decent performance as Candy, the victim of some awful circumstances. However, street-walking prostitution doesn't give you the pearly whites Ms. Pulliam sports throughout her tour of duty. Perry relies heavily on stereotyping of prostitution instead of delving into any real issues, not to mention how awful his characterizations of affluent people of color (Ion Overman, portraying Derek Luke's DA fiancee) are. Nevertheless, the cobbled together mishmash obviously has it's core audience so as long as Perry stays safely in his God-fearing element he will continue to be successful. The BF reminds me that his films aren't meant to be 'analyzed," and I agree, but can't help myself! For a different post I'd like to apply queer theory to the body of Perry's work, as people seem to forget we're watching a young man play an old woman and yet the ever present sexuality component that surrounds this 'genre' (Tootsie, Mrs. Doubtfire, Some Like It Hot) seems to have slipped through the cracks with Perry's films. Just like church in real life. If you can form the words Praise Jesus and clasp your hands together people think you're as wholesome as a whole wheat fiber supplement. As a matter of fact, some young ladies sitting in front of me during the film exclaimed that Robin Coleman (who plays a prison inmate, Big Sal) was a man. I looked her up, Ms. Coleman, to my surprise is indeed a lady. However, my initial reaction to the young ladies was that, Madea's a man, so what's the big deal? How is that so easy to overlook?
The Class (2008) -- Winner of last year's Palm D'or at the Cannes Film Festival, I have to admit that The Class is a well made film, but somewhat of a disappointment. Francois Begaudeau stars as a version of himself, the students star as versions of themselves, and the result is basically a manipulative fiction/documentary. The result? It seems like it's hard to teach urban children. I do not have a lick of the man's patience and I would not be a teacher of any kind of child in the US, France or Abudabu. Other people's children are like 'other' people---in other words, mostly awful. We spend two hours watching this man over a year trying to teach young children. Not much gets taught as the main issue is breaking through to talk with them. While the film is refreshingly realistic for it's genre (American counterparts like Dangerous Minds - 1995, are simply melodramatic farces) I still cannot understand why, of all the good foreign films, this won at Cannes? Is the influence of Sarkozy greater than I imagined? I do enjoy the director, Laurent Cantent. I'm still keen on seeing his Charlotte Rampling flic, Heading South (2005).
Were the World Mine (2008) -- I had two very personal reasons to see this film. First, as this film was marketed towards gay people, I always try to make an effort to support GLBT arts as we'll never see any representations in mainstream cinema if we don't give money to the small stuff first. Second, the film is the first piece of cinema in seven years that stars the wonderful Wendy Robie. Don't recognize her name? Well if you saw "Twin Peaks" or happened to catch one of Wes Craven's better films The People Under the Stairs (1991), then you'll know who I mean. Robie stars as the drama teacher every gay theater major hopes for. The film, based on the 2003 short from the same director, Tom Gustafson, is a kind of fantastical musical inspired by Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. This is what whimsy is made of and the film is both touching and well put-together, especially for a first feature film. Wendy Robie is hilarious, and for someone who doesn't care for musicals, I actually enjoyed a few of the songs. Set in a small, homophobic community, Were the World Mine tells the story of a high-school aged boy who is out about his sexuality. Cast as Puck in Robie's staging of A Midsummer Night's Dream, Tanner Cohen stars as Timothy, who manages to create the love potion from Shakespeare's play and turn most of the homophobic community into homosexuals. Culminating, of course, in the townspeople at least becoming tolerant, many of the homophobic instances are at the same time ridiculous and realistic. Overall an interesting treatment of pertinent issues---and if you like whimsy then you should see this film.
DVD
Quarantine (2008) -- I had the good luck of seeing the original film this was based on, [Rec], a Spanish film from 2007 that was not released on our shores. Since Americans are lazy, ignorant people that overall seem to be unable to read and watch a film at the same time, rather than release a perfectly good film it was just remade with English speaking actors. In fact, [Rec] wasn't even released on DVD in this country. What a goddamn sham. And Yes, I mean sham, not shame. Quarantine is basically a pretty good remake in it's own right. The beginning, however, before the action starts, is atrocious. Jennifer Carpenter (The Exorcism of Emily Rose; "Dexter") stars, and her initial scenes at the fire department with a barely recognizable Jonathan Schaech (Hush - 1998; That Thing You Do! - 1996) and Jay Hernandez (Hostel - 2005) are flat, silly, and embarssingly dumb. The plot, if you don't know, surrounds a strange rabies-like virus afflicting an apartment building that is quarantined while the local fire department is responding to an emergency call. Both films are equally chilling. It just pisses me off that even in the director's commentary he can't even reference the source material. That's what I call a motherfucker. Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza, who directed the original, are at work on a sequel. Rumor has it the pair may also be given the chance to bastardize someone else's work in an American remake of Inside (2007).
The Model Couple (1977) -- Directed by photographer William Klein, who only made a handful of films, primarily documentaries, The Model Couple tells the story of Claudine and Jean-Michel, a couple who is 76 or 77% average, chosen by what's called The Ministry of the Future, to be isolated, monitored and experimented upon so that the government will be able to be prepared to meet the needs of the people at the end of the century. The first half of the film is quite entertaining but begins to grow tedious about halfway through. Everyone gets a little stir crazy, and, as with anything human, manipulation ensues. A very young Anemone (no last name) and Andre Dussollier are extremely fun to watch.
Mirrors (2008) -- This one isn't quite a remake, but, ahem, heavily "inspired" by the 2003 South Korean film Into the Mirror, which, not surprisingly, isn't available on DVD in this country. I, wily devil that I am, have the Region 2 copy. I must say, I wasn't extremely impressed with the original. It's a little dull. Ere goes, when I discovered that one of my new favorite directors was helming an American re-make, I was a little excited. Alexandre Aja is one of the best new auteurs of horror in the last ten years or so. I LOVE High Tension (2003), and more surprising to myself, I LOVE Aja's remake of The Hills Have Eyes (2006). Let's face it, most of Wes Craven's work is crap, but even still, to impress me with a remake is a feat and Aja did it. Needless to say, I was looking forward to Mirrors, even though the cast concerned me. I don't believe Kiefer Sutherland ever really excited me and Amy Smart is definitely one whose film's I would rather avoid (though, if you haven't seen Just Friends - 2005, see it for excellent use of Anna Faris). Today's blog title originates from this film's tagline. And of course, if you don't know who Susan Atkins is then you were probably born after 1969 or you haven't read "Helter Skelter." Anyhow, the film immediately sparked my ire when I realized Kiefer's ex-wife is played by a stunningly gorgeous woman named Paula Patton, who has had bit parts in unimpressive fare like Hitch (2005), Deja Vu (2006), and Swing Vote (2008). Hopefully people will forget that she had to make out with Kiefer Sutherland in this tripe. As you read, please note that I feel extreme embarrassment and shame for the extremely talented director, Alexandre Aja. It is with great trepidation that I damn his work and write these words. Moving on, Kiefer Sutherland is not the man to cast as a recovering alcoholic and his performance is about as inspiring as vegan pulled pork served with canned vegan Quail eggs (I like meat and I've had those eggs). The film opens with Kief living with his sister (Ms. Smart--who is a bartender in the film--muahhh) because he used to be a detective and he killed a man, and cry sniffle sniffle, cough, he hasn't gotten over it, hit the bottle, caused his wife to kick him out, and well, you can all predict it from there. Kicking the booze, he takes a job as night watchmen at a department store that notoriously burned up five years before. It seems that it is just Kief's bad luck he took this particular job as it turns out the mirrors in the burned up store contain demons. The demons are there due to their own bad choices it seems, as they left the body of a young schizophrenic girl back when the department store was a mental hospital. It seems that nowadays with google and wikipedia you could find all this shit out before taking the job. People are so lazy in researching. Can you imagine if research still required you know what Dewey Decimal meant? Anyhow, the mirrors seem to make all the nightwatchmen find this girl they came out of during a vague kind of therapy session. Luckily, Kiefer has connections from when he was a detective. He finds the girl's family (curiously, not through the DMV) and finds the girl, who, thankfully, is a nun at a church 0.05 miles down the road. Anna, the nun, listens patiently to Kiefer, reveals all the boring mirror elements the film has presented to us, and tells Kiefer she will not return with him as the demons will cross over into this world if she does. Kiefer screams at the nun that she is selfish as apparently the old lady would rather live out her days in peace rather than be a conduit for demon activity and save some strange nightwatchman's family. Meanwhile, as he attempts to take her by force, the demons, as they are prone to do, accost his family at home. It is here where the rules of the game change a little bit---it seems that ANYTHING that shows a reflection is good enough for the demons--like water, metallic door handles and heavily moisturized human skin. What crap. And when Kiefer's estranged wife actually apologizes for not believing him when he plaintively tries to convince her that mirrors are evil, I about had it. Yes, I am attempting to tell you to avoid this steaming BS. And Aja, I am counting on your upcoming remake of Piranha (1978) to be especially good even though I can't understand why that has to be in 3D. The poster art was also one more reason I avoided this in the theater--it's obviously not Kiefer Sutherland, whose name, oddly, is above the title. The individual in the poster, rather, invites one to believe that an actor resembling Gumby will instead be guiding us through this ride of non-thrills and non-sequitors.
A Dangerous Woman (1993) -- Watching the first five minutes of this film, I realized that Maggie & Jake Gyllenhaal were indeed the children of director Stephen Gyllenhaal. Beyond that, there is nothing redeeming about this piece of shit. Perhaps I had hoped for too much, as, after all, I loved the director's next film, Losing Isaiah (1995). A Dangerous Woman stars Debra Winger as a seemingly mildly retarded woman who never really lives up to the misleading title. Barbara Hershey, who never looked better than she did in the 1990's, stars as Winger's aunt that kind of, though unconvincingly looks after Winger. Hershey is also the narrator, who succinctly tells us that no doctor ever figured out what was wrong with Winger. She's just off, a little special. Fuck that---the woman, at the very least, could have at least been described as autistic, as that umbrella term seemingly describes everything, maybe even me---but then, I realized the film would have come across as extremely sick because Gabriel Byrne, who turns up as a greasy, alcoholic, extremely poor Irish-accented, porch-fixing handyman, actually sleeps with and impregnates the mildy-retarded/special Debra Winger in one of the ickiest sex scenes I have ever seen. Additionally, a quite icky masturbation scene with Winger made me stop eating my snack. I can't tell who was more icky really---Winger in her hammy performance or Byrne, who I could never understand women's fascination with (my mother always thought he was sexy---I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn't see this film). David Strathairn also pops up as greaseball, the cause of the handle "Dangerous Woman" because Winger stabs him to death in one of the silliest stabbing scenes ever committed to film. Pregnant, in jail, Winger ends up in a special people home. Why? Because she's autistic! Doctors could never figure out what's wrong my ass! Mr. Gyllenhaal just wanted to avoid being called a pervert. Laurie Metcalf ("Roseanne") and Chloe Webb also turn up as plot pieces. I love Webb, though it seems her uneducated lilt cursed her into playing always crazy (Sid & Nancy - 1986), bohemian ("Tales of the City" - 1993) or bimbo (Twins - 1988), and she's no different here. Needless to say, this film drove me up the wall with it's saccharine sweet performances, bad early 90's drama-thriller music, greasy men and the second worst special-lady performance garnering an actress awards attention. The worst, in my book, is Jodie Foster's goofy diuretic inspiring performance in 1994's Nell. Chicka, Chicka, Chickabee, indeed. Winga, Winga, Wingabee in this case.
Theatrical Releases:
Madea Goes to Jail (2009) - Now, I'm not going to waste too much time on this one, but the results are what you'd expect if you're familiar with Tyler Perry's films. His Madea character is entertaining and laugh out loud funny at moments, however, the incoherency in tone is rather jarring. One minute Madea is bitch-fighting with Dr. Phil and the next we have a (ahem, unrealistic) scene with a pimp man-handling some prostitutes. With a strange concoction of truly talented actors (Viola Davis; Vanessa Ferlito) and Perry regulars (Tamela & David Mann; Sofia Vergara) Perry's film feels like a Madea reel was microwaved with a mediocre Lifetime mini-series, something more aptly titled "My Name Is Loquita and My Pimp Beats Me." So as not to sound too harsh, I must add that I have done volunteer work that included street outreach helping to get prostitutes off the streets. And let me tell you, Mr. Perry could have learned a thing or two from a little volunteer work. Keshia Knight Pulliam ("The Cosbys"), delivers a pretty decent performance as Candy, the victim of some awful circumstances. However, street-walking prostitution doesn't give you the pearly whites Ms. Pulliam sports throughout her tour of duty. Perry relies heavily on stereotyping of prostitution instead of delving into any real issues, not to mention how awful his characterizations of affluent people of color (Ion Overman, portraying Derek Luke's DA fiancee) are. Nevertheless, the cobbled together mishmash obviously has it's core audience so as long as Perry stays safely in his God-fearing element he will continue to be successful. The BF reminds me that his films aren't meant to be 'analyzed," and I agree, but can't help myself! For a different post I'd like to apply queer theory to the body of Perry's work, as people seem to forget we're watching a young man play an old woman and yet the ever present sexuality component that surrounds this 'genre' (Tootsie, Mrs. Doubtfire, Some Like It Hot) seems to have slipped through the cracks with Perry's films. Just like church in real life. If you can form the words Praise Jesus and clasp your hands together people think you're as wholesome as a whole wheat fiber supplement. As a matter of fact, some young ladies sitting in front of me during the film exclaimed that Robin Coleman (who plays a prison inmate, Big Sal) was a man. I looked her up, Ms. Coleman, to my surprise is indeed a lady. However, my initial reaction to the young ladies was that, Madea's a man, so what's the big deal? How is that so easy to overlook?
The Class (2008) -- Winner of last year's Palm D'or at the Cannes Film Festival, I have to admit that The Class is a well made film, but somewhat of a disappointment. Francois Begaudeau stars as a version of himself, the students star as versions of themselves, and the result is basically a manipulative fiction/documentary. The result? It seems like it's hard to teach urban children. I do not have a lick of the man's patience and I would not be a teacher of any kind of child in the US, France or Abudabu. Other people's children are like 'other' people---in other words, mostly awful. We spend two hours watching this man over a year trying to teach young children. Not much gets taught as the main issue is breaking through to talk with them. While the film is refreshingly realistic for it's genre (American counterparts like Dangerous Minds - 1995, are simply melodramatic farces) I still cannot understand why, of all the good foreign films, this won at Cannes? Is the influence of Sarkozy greater than I imagined? I do enjoy the director, Laurent Cantent. I'm still keen on seeing his Charlotte Rampling flic, Heading South (2005).
Were the World Mine (2008) -- I had two very personal reasons to see this film. First, as this film was marketed towards gay people, I always try to make an effort to support GLBT arts as we'll never see any representations in mainstream cinema if we don't give money to the small stuff first. Second, the film is the first piece of cinema in seven years that stars the wonderful Wendy Robie. Don't recognize her name? Well if you saw "Twin Peaks" or happened to catch one of Wes Craven's better films The People Under the Stairs (1991), then you'll know who I mean. Robie stars as the drama teacher every gay theater major hopes for. The film, based on the 2003 short from the same director, Tom Gustafson, is a kind of fantastical musical inspired by Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. This is what whimsy is made of and the film is both touching and well put-together, especially for a first feature film. Wendy Robie is hilarious, and for someone who doesn't care for musicals, I actually enjoyed a few of the songs. Set in a small, homophobic community, Were the World Mine tells the story of a high-school aged boy who is out about his sexuality. Cast as Puck in Robie's staging of A Midsummer Night's Dream, Tanner Cohen stars as Timothy, who manages to create the love potion from Shakespeare's play and turn most of the homophobic community into homosexuals. Culminating, of course, in the townspeople at least becoming tolerant, many of the homophobic instances are at the same time ridiculous and realistic. Overall an interesting treatment of pertinent issues---and if you like whimsy then you should see this film.
DVD
Quarantine (2008) -- I had the good luck of seeing the original film this was based on, [Rec], a Spanish film from 2007 that was not released on our shores. Since Americans are lazy, ignorant people that overall seem to be unable to read and watch a film at the same time, rather than release a perfectly good film it was just remade with English speaking actors. In fact, [Rec] wasn't even released on DVD in this country. What a goddamn sham. And Yes, I mean sham, not shame. Quarantine is basically a pretty good remake in it's own right. The beginning, however, before the action starts, is atrocious. Jennifer Carpenter (The Exorcism of Emily Rose; "Dexter") stars, and her initial scenes at the fire department with a barely recognizable Jonathan Schaech (Hush - 1998; That Thing You Do! - 1996) and Jay Hernandez (Hostel - 2005) are flat, silly, and embarssingly dumb. The plot, if you don't know, surrounds a strange rabies-like virus afflicting an apartment building that is quarantined while the local fire department is responding to an emergency call. Both films are equally chilling. It just pisses me off that even in the director's commentary he can't even reference the source material. That's what I call a motherfucker. Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza, who directed the original, are at work on a sequel. Rumor has it the pair may also be given the chance to bastardize someone else's work in an American remake of Inside (2007).
The Model Couple (1977) -- Directed by photographer William Klein, who only made a handful of films, primarily documentaries, The Model Couple tells the story of Claudine and Jean-Michel, a couple who is 76 or 77% average, chosen by what's called The Ministry of the Future, to be isolated, monitored and experimented upon so that the government will be able to be prepared to meet the needs of the people at the end of the century. The first half of the film is quite entertaining but begins to grow tedious about halfway through. Everyone gets a little stir crazy, and, as with anything human, manipulation ensues. A very young Anemone (no last name) and Andre Dussollier are extremely fun to watch.
Mirrors (2008) -- This one isn't quite a remake, but, ahem, heavily "inspired" by the 2003 South Korean film Into the Mirror, which, not surprisingly, isn't available on DVD in this country. I, wily devil that I am, have the Region 2 copy. I must say, I wasn't extremely impressed with the original. It's a little dull. Ere goes, when I discovered that one of my new favorite directors was helming an American re-make, I was a little excited. Alexandre Aja is one of the best new auteurs of horror in the last ten years or so. I LOVE High Tension (2003), and more surprising to myself, I LOVE Aja's remake of The Hills Have Eyes (2006). Let's face it, most of Wes Craven's work is crap, but even still, to impress me with a remake is a feat and Aja did it. Needless to say, I was looking forward to Mirrors, even though the cast concerned me. I don't believe Kiefer Sutherland ever really excited me and Amy Smart is definitely one whose film's I would rather avoid (though, if you haven't seen Just Friends - 2005, see it for excellent use of Anna Faris). Today's blog title originates from this film's tagline. And of course, if you don't know who Susan Atkins is then you were probably born after 1969 or you haven't read "Helter Skelter." Anyhow, the film immediately sparked my ire when I realized Kiefer's ex-wife is played by a stunningly gorgeous woman named Paula Patton, who has had bit parts in unimpressive fare like Hitch (2005), Deja Vu (2006), and Swing Vote (2008). Hopefully people will forget that she had to make out with Kiefer Sutherland in this tripe. As you read, please note that I feel extreme embarrassment and shame for the extremely talented director, Alexandre Aja. It is with great trepidation that I damn his work and write these words. Moving on, Kiefer Sutherland is not the man to cast as a recovering alcoholic and his performance is about as inspiring as vegan pulled pork served with canned vegan Quail eggs (I like meat and I've had those eggs). The film opens with Kief living with his sister (Ms. Smart--who is a bartender in the film--muahhh) because he used to be a detective and he killed a man, and cry sniffle sniffle, cough, he hasn't gotten over it, hit the bottle, caused his wife to kick him out, and well, you can all predict it from there. Kicking the booze, he takes a job as night watchmen at a department store that notoriously burned up five years before. It seems that it is just Kief's bad luck he took this particular job as it turns out the mirrors in the burned up store contain demons. The demons are there due to their own bad choices it seems, as they left the body of a young schizophrenic girl back when the department store was a mental hospital. It seems that nowadays with google and wikipedia you could find all this shit out before taking the job. People are so lazy in researching. Can you imagine if research still required you know what Dewey Decimal meant? Anyhow, the mirrors seem to make all the nightwatchmen find this girl they came out of during a vague kind of therapy session. Luckily, Kiefer has connections from when he was a detective. He finds the girl's family (curiously, not through the DMV) and finds the girl, who, thankfully, is a nun at a church 0.05 miles down the road. Anna, the nun, listens patiently to Kiefer, reveals all the boring mirror elements the film has presented to us, and tells Kiefer she will not return with him as the demons will cross over into this world if she does. Kiefer screams at the nun that she is selfish as apparently the old lady would rather live out her days in peace rather than be a conduit for demon activity and save some strange nightwatchman's family. Meanwhile, as he attempts to take her by force, the demons, as they are prone to do, accost his family at home. It is here where the rules of the game change a little bit---it seems that ANYTHING that shows a reflection is good enough for the demons--like water, metallic door handles and heavily moisturized human skin. What crap. And when Kiefer's estranged wife actually apologizes for not believing him when he plaintively tries to convince her that mirrors are evil, I about had it. Yes, I am attempting to tell you to avoid this steaming BS. And Aja, I am counting on your upcoming remake of Piranha (1978) to be especially good even though I can't understand why that has to be in 3D. The poster art was also one more reason I avoided this in the theater--it's obviously not Kiefer Sutherland, whose name, oddly, is above the title. The individual in the poster, rather, invites one to believe that an actor resembling Gumby will instead be guiding us through this ride of non-thrills and non-sequitors.
A Dangerous Woman (1993) -- Watching the first five minutes of this film, I realized that Maggie & Jake Gyllenhaal were indeed the children of director Stephen Gyllenhaal. Beyond that, there is nothing redeeming about this piece of shit. Perhaps I had hoped for too much, as, after all, I loved the director's next film, Losing Isaiah (1995). A Dangerous Woman stars Debra Winger as a seemingly mildly retarded woman who never really lives up to the misleading title. Barbara Hershey, who never looked better than she did in the 1990's, stars as Winger's aunt that kind of, though unconvincingly looks after Winger. Hershey is also the narrator, who succinctly tells us that no doctor ever figured out what was wrong with Winger. She's just off, a little special. Fuck that---the woman, at the very least, could have at least been described as autistic, as that umbrella term seemingly describes everything, maybe even me---but then, I realized the film would have come across as extremely sick because Gabriel Byrne, who turns up as a greasy, alcoholic, extremely poor Irish-accented, porch-fixing handyman, actually sleeps with and impregnates the mildy-retarded/special Debra Winger in one of the ickiest sex scenes I have ever seen. Additionally, a quite icky masturbation scene with Winger made me stop eating my snack. I can't tell who was more icky really---Winger in her hammy performance or Byrne, who I could never understand women's fascination with (my mother always thought he was sexy---I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn't see this film). David Strathairn also pops up as greaseball, the cause of the handle "Dangerous Woman" because Winger stabs him to death in one of the silliest stabbing scenes ever committed to film. Pregnant, in jail, Winger ends up in a special people home. Why? Because she's autistic! Doctors could never figure out what's wrong my ass! Mr. Gyllenhaal just wanted to avoid being called a pervert. Laurie Metcalf ("Roseanne") and Chloe Webb also turn up as plot pieces. I love Webb, though it seems her uneducated lilt cursed her into playing always crazy (Sid & Nancy - 1986), bohemian ("Tales of the City" - 1993) or bimbo (Twins - 1988), and she's no different here. Needless to say, this film drove me up the wall with it's saccharine sweet performances, bad early 90's drama-thriller music, greasy men and the second worst special-lady performance garnering an actress awards attention. The worst, in my book, is Jodie Foster's goofy diuretic inspiring performance in 1994's Nell. Chicka, Chicka, Chickabee, indeed. Winga, Winga, Wingabee in this case.
I agree, A Dangerous Woman is a mess--the book was much, much better. But Naomi Foner (Stephen's then-wife) wrote the screenplay, completely corrupting the story, and Steve did what he could to bring in a little life and his own sensibilities. But all in all, it just didn't gel, it was like two movies stuck together.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to see Barbara Hershey at her loveliest, check out two other movies directed by Stephen Gyllenhaal: Paris Trout and Killing in a Small Town.
Here are my gems:
ReplyDelete"...something more aptly titled 'My Name Is Loquita and My Pimp Beats Me.'"
"If you can form the words Praise Jesus and clasp your hands together people think you're as wholesome as a whole wheat fiber supplement."
"Other people's children are like 'other' people---in other words, mostly awful" [You really like people don't you?]
"Since Americans are lazy, ignorant people that overall seem to be unable to read and watch a film at the same time..." [Yeah, you really like people.][p.s. I now remember that I recognized Jay Hernandez from Hostel, and he was equally bad in that.]
"Kiefer screams at the nun that she is selfish as apparently the old lady would rather live out her days in peace rather than be a conduit for demon activity and save some strange nightwatchman's family."
"Fuck that---the woman, at the very least, could have at least been described as autistic, as that umbrella term seemingly describes everything, maybe even me---but then, I realized the film would have come across as extremely sick because Gabriel Byrne, who turns up as a greasy, alcoholic, extremely poor Irish-accented, porch-fixing handyman, actually sleeps with and impregnates the mildy-retarded/special Debra Winger in one of the ickiest sex scenes I have ever seen." [This made me laugh because I think it is the longest sentence I have seen you construct thus far.]
"...a quite icky masturbation scene with Winger made me stop eating my snack."
"Chicka, Chicka, Chickabee, indeed. Winga, Winga, Wingabee in this case."
"...his performance is about as inspiring as vegan pulled pork served with canned vegan Quail eggs."
As a side note, I would like to gloat over the fact that I knew Big Sal was really a lady...haha!