Well hello hello, all you that have waited with bated breath for my next unveiling, my next cosmopolitan creepshow of cinematic carousing. A few good, a few bad, and a few pretty damn fugly, here's my little rundown. I know you are all used to my fancy introductions but I think I have a sinus infection (which I thought wouldn't happen any more since I quit smoking. Hmmm) and my feelings towards superfluousness are much like what I'd imagine Harrison Ford felt like during that scene where he shoots rather than spars with that Arab Sheik (forgive me if that's not PC) due to the fact that Harrison had diarrhea that day in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981).
Theatrical Releases:
Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009): I know that every January and February the studios dump their big turdy films into the mainstream cinemas. I would argue that they do that every summer, too, but the kiddies are out of school and so the rest of us have to suffer. Needless to say, this film is one of those Winter turds that looks and smells an awful lot like those summer turds---in other words, not that good but otherwise not so offensive. The producers had a decent amount of fiber, let's say. Kevin James is quite entertaining, but his Paul Blart felt more like a TV skit stretched out a bit too long. Keep in mind I have yet to see that awful looking I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007), so maybe Mr. James will spark my ire eventually. Here, he's just doing what he does best--playing a harmless fat man with a big heart and a big appetite. Cuteness abounds, especially with the supposed romance he has with the wig kiosk girl (Jayma Mays), that doesn't quite ring true. But it is a treat to see Shirley Knight as his mother, looking virtually the same as ever over the past fifteen years (you may recognize her as the mother in Stuart Saves His Family-1995; or when she was a young thing, as Paul Newman's love interest in Sweet Bird of Youth- 1962, among many other films). What made the film more noteworthy was the special man (yes, in order to spread a message of tolerance we must avoid those fun words like retarded even if the Black Eyed Peas had that hit song not so long ago) that sat directly behind us. We learned that this man apparently despised fat people, did not understand the concept of hypoglycemia, and had no idea who Olivia Newton John was. We also figured that he had no common decency or respect as he blithered on throughout the whole movie, commenting to his buddy on everything that transpired as if he was reading a lukewarm Jackie Collins' novella. (Does she write novellas? I feel like I don't converse with people that actually read Jackie Collin's 'work,' but I am surprised all the time). And as we got up to leave and I turned to bookend all of my own spits and grumbles, I realized the man was special and he was ALONE. No one was sitting by him at all. Immediately I made an executive decision not to engage the unchaperoned adult male-beast who also talked to himself in the bathroom, and, not surprisingly, neglected to wash his hands. Damn you, Paul Blart.
Waltz With Bashir (2008) -- Now, I am not one that generally raves about animated films. And I'm not really going to rave about this one. As someone who is admittedly ignorant as to what is going on in Israel and who started what, who bombed this n'that, I found the film intriguing and made me want to learn more, so I appreciate that. Overall, the film was a little tedious in the middle. The end, however, was very powerful, showing some actual footage of wailing women, distraught at the awful death and carnage in the rubble around them. In the end, I guess I'm just thankful to be living in a country where I am not subject to such religious/political warfare. It's a bit more passive-aggressive here. That's more like playing checkers. Anyhow, the film is worth a look and the animation is quite beautiful. A repeated dream sequence of young boys bathing before an awful massacre is eerily gorgeous, and in the end, a bit devastating.
Wendy & Lucy (2008) -- I have yet to see Kelly Reichardt's much lauded 2006 film Old Joy, but I will be certain to, now. From the preview I could tell how heavy Wendy & Lucy was going to be, but I found myself touched and affected. It was one of those films that I couldn't sit through the credits because I just didn't want to deal with people immediately afterwards. A simple film about a young woman trying to make her way to Alaska with only her dog Lucy, the film starts and basically stays in Oregon. Wendy gets caught shoplifting dog food, subsequently loses her poor canine and of course, her car breaks down. Michelle Williams is excellent as Wendy, and I am immediately saddened that her performance will be overlooked by Hollywood fanfare. Wendy only has Lucy, and nothing else in the world loves her or gives a rat's ass about her. The film's final moments, along with an extremely touching scene with a parking lot security guard (played by Wally Dalton) is bringing tears to my eyes as I recall it now. Director Larry Fessenden (Wendigo- 2001; The Last Winter- 2006) also makes a cameo appearance as crazy homeless man (because he looks like one). Strangely enough, I caught this at the theater the same day I saw another canine themed love film, Red, but that will come below.
Taken (2009) -- And the title of today's blog comes from this little gem of a movie. A co-worker of mine claims she read somewhere that Liam Neeson and James Woods are the most well-endowed men in Hollywood. The problem is, that's a little vague for me. Where do Hollywood's borders end? Do they have to be a SAG member? Is that like claiming to be the most well-endowed in the upper mid-west? Where does that end exactly? And I have no interest in seeing James Woods' penis, because no matter how big it is, I imagine it would look like his pockmarked face. Anyhow, my co-worker was at the movie with me and leaned over to giggle when Liam Neeson spits out the penis line at a homely little Frenchman. Taken is not a bad film, really. As most people seem to be saying, it's not that good either. By far the worst part of the film is the screenplay and the scathingly irritating Maggie Grace, ("Lost"). (On a side note, Grace's character's name in The Jane Austen Book Club-2007- is Allegra, a fitting name for something that dries up your prostate). In this film, the awkward Ms. Grace tries very to hard to play a gangly 17 year old girl. She comes across as a very special 17 year old, one that had just seen the light of day for the first time, much like you'd imagine the Fritzl kids to act after being released from that dungeon in Austria. Yes, I know that's cruel. But they have an excuse. Maggie Grace doesn't.
Needless to say, the film is at it's best between the moments Maggie Grace is abducted and when she reappears. The horrendous screenplay, however, even affects the excellent Neeson, whose interactions with old CIA/assassin/bodyguard buddies come across as awful as his interactions with his daughter and ex-wife, played by Famke Janssen. Now, I like Famke, I think she's gorgeous. Would I like to tell Famke's agent a thing or two about squandering things? Yes. I also love Luc Besson (director of The Professional - 1994, and The Fifth Element -1997), but I have become increasingly aware that he maybe can't write. Famke Janssen's character, for instance, pops onto the screen in a scene eerily reminiscent of the birthday party scene in Mommie Dearest (1981). She's really, and I mean really, very insistent that her daughter not open Liam Neeson's present because then she'd have to open all of them. And then the next time we see her she's all set to ship off her 17 year old to Paris without a chaperon. Additionally, the action sequences are a little lacking, but I found it quite entertaining to watch Liam Neeson kick a bunch of Euro-trash ass. Most of his dialogue isn't that bad (except for the penis line and "I'd tear down the Eiffel tower for her.") And I found a scene depicting an auction of young sex-trafficked women in an undeground swank hotel quite dark and disturbing---until they announced Maggie Grace as the most priceless and worthy virginal piece of merchandise---and then I laughed.
DVDS!!!
Clownhouse (1989) -- Yes, I had a movie night for this one recently. And it wasn't that frightening. Or interesting. On it's own. The film's reputation precedes it, let's say. And yes, after learning what Victor Salva did with Nathan Forrest Winters make the numerous underwear scenes a bit disturbing. It's also hard to believe that Francis Ford Coppola championed Salva which is how this film came to be made. Basically, Clownhouse is about three brothers who are terrorized by three men that escape from a mental institution and kill three clowns from the circus in town. A radio broadcast announces the escape, stating the three men were upset because they were denied their circus privileges. Really? Maybe I need more of a backstory. Privileges are always denied for a reason. They maybe ate too much canned pudding? Or were exchanging child pornography? Silly clown wannabees. To top it off, they only kinda sorta terrorize three young boys for a good hour with not very good results. It is funny to see Sam Rockwell, however, at such a young age, as this was his film debut.
La Strada (1954) -- I had a movie night for this one as well. I am a Fellini nut and I had never seen this one. For more reasons than one, I would compare it Nights of Cabiria (1957), which also stars Fellini's wife, Giulietta Masina. I prefer Cabiria. La Strada tells the story of a rather 'special' girl sold to a wandering strongman performer, played to greasy effect by Anthony Quinn. Zampano the strongman uses and abuses her but she seems unable to leave him, eventually dying sad and alone when he leaves her. The problem is, it's hard to find much to like about her or Zampano. One of Fellini's attempted ventures into neo-realism, it wasn't my favorite. But that's not to say it was half bad. Masina's head actually does look like an artichoke.
Violence At Noon (1966) -- Another Nagisa Oshima film, this one was a little on the silly side, concerning the exploits of a serial killer and the sexual tensions he had between two women from an old commune they all used to be a part of. I yawned my way through.
Ethan Frome (1993) -- Having just read the novella, I just had to see the 1993 film adaptation. Perfectly cast with the three leads, the film is not quite bad as far as adaptations go. Edith Wharton and Henry James apparently both found the framed story a savage and barbarous convention yet both of their most famous works were framed stories. I find that filmmakers often have a hard time implementing the framed story, and that is exactly where this film falters. John Madden is not the worst director, but definitely not the best. On a good note, he did Mrs. Brown (1997) and Proof (2005); but Mr. Madden also did that horrendous schlock Captain Corelli's Mandolin (2001). Nuff said. Anyhow, Madden inserts that awful 80's actor Tate Donovan, (as a priest, no less), as the frame of the story. This does not work a bit. Liam Neeson is excellent here, as is Joan Allen as Zeenie, the hypochondriac bitch wife, and Patrica Arquette, hot off the press of True Romance (1993) as the nubile young maiden that steals Ethan Frome's heart.
The Girl Most Likely To... (1973) -- I quite like Stockard Channing, and when I found out about this Joan Rivers penned TV film about an ugly girl who has plastic surgery and then goes out for bloodthirsty revenge to all the people that had been mean to her, well, I just had to buy it. The film was everything I hoped for. This may sounds like a strange horror film, but it's a bitchy black comedy. Stockard Channing really does look quite homely before her transformation but the pay off is worth it. Look for Annette O'Toole in a bit part and the entertaining Ed Asner as the police man investigating a string of "accidental deaths."
Tis Pity She's a Whore (1971) -- I had high hopes for what looked like a decent film guised as Eurotrash sleaze. After all, it stars Charlotte Rampling at her most luminous. Long unavailable on DVD till 2008, I happened to have an old clamshell VHS I purchased on Ebay for way too much back in 2003. Additionally, the film is based on Jacobean playwright John Ford's most well known play of the same title. AND it was directed by Giuseppe Patroni Griffi. You know, the Giuseppe Patroni Griffi. Okay, maybe you don't know him, but he happened to direct a film I love called The Driver's Seat (1974), also known as Indentikit and the US VHS edition Psychotic, starring Elizabeth Taylor in what I would call her last great screen performance, and appearances from Gypsy Rose Lee and Andy Warhol. However, this Griffi film has to be the most boring film about incest ever made. The Bible is more racy -- not that that's what I was looking for. At the very least I expected to laugh. But alas. I guess it made incest no laughing matter. I did have to giggle during the opening credits where the film states it was "Freely Adapted" from the John Ford play. Right. Rampling, however, was breathtakingly gorgeous, so it's still worth it to see her, even if the title is the best thing about it.
Beyond the Door (1974) -- A dastardly blatant rip off of The Exorcist (1973) AND Rosemary's Baby (1969), (what ballsy little bastards, huh?) this little shindig stars Juliet Mills as a woman possessed AND impregnated by the devil via a devil-worshipping ex-boyfriend. Sound busy? It is. Mills, of course, is the older sister of Hayley Mills, the child star of the 60's (The Parent Trap-1961; The Trouble With Angels-1966) and whom a younger generation might know from a small role as a love interest for Mr. Belding on the awful TV series "Saved By the Bell." Juliet, however, has this little plum of poop on her resume. The most entertaining elements are the dubbed children which the places the film on par with the best Lucio Fulci extravaganza. Strangely, the prepubescent girl child insists on touting 15 copies or so of Erich Segal's book Love Story everywhere, and the small boy sips Campbell's Green Pea soup through a straw. Does Campbell's even make Green Pea soup? I guess I wasn't inspired enough to research this and figured the filmmaker's were trying to make a spiffy homage to The Exorcist. I had to laugh, the rationale for Mills' possession was that some "weak" people are just victims---which means she's weak because she's a woman and has the ability to get pregnant. I don't know, I think if Satan was really that powerful he would get some evil man pregnant. If you really think about it, didn't Satan miss the boat? Hitler, Stalin, etc? Hell, if he's so set on impregnating a woman we have Ann Coulter these days. Another funny part was that the opening credits reveal the title of the film as The Devil Within Her. I was inspired by this film, however, for a themed movie night: Creepy Pregnant Ladies--more on this later.
The Lodger (1927) -- Another old Hitchcock I've been meaning to watch forever, was quite good. The film was remade with the original star Ivor Novello as a talkie in 1932, again with creepmaster Laird Cregar as the star in 1944, and now this year in 2008. So I've been meaning to see where all the fun started. Also, Ivor Novello was apparently quite the matinee idol in his time, but mostly overseas. Rumor has it he was homosexual, which highlights a lot of strange gay subtext in Hitchcock's film. This original silent was quite entertaining, if not a bit anti-climactic. I hear the 1944 film, which shot Cregar to stardom right before his untimely death, is the one to see.
Red (2008) --- Poor, poor Lucky McKee. What is up with this man? McKee's feature debut, May (2002), stands as one of the best horror films ever made. Afterwards, Mckee also helmed The Woods (2006), which I thought was quite good, despite the fact that it wasn't originally McKee's material and rumor has it the studio pushed McKee around a bit. The Woods didn't get a theatrical release, if I recall, despite starring the excellent Patricia Clarkson and Bruce Campbell. McKee also did, that same year, an entry in the "Masters of Horror" series called Sick Girl starring Angela Bettis (May) and porn star Misty Mundae. Then McKee's next feature, Roman (2006) was also not released in theaters (though McKee wrote it and let Bettis direct). So I was saddened to hear that on his newest feature, Red, McKee was taken off the project as director half way through due to what was reported as creative differences. A Dutch director I am unfamiliar with, Trygve Allistair Diesen, took over to finish filming. Overall, I quite liked most of the film. Starring Brian Cox as a sad old man who is accosted by three youths who shoot his dog Red to death just to be mean, is a touching little revenge movie. Tom Sizemore, Amanda Plummer and Robert Englund all make appearances as white trash parents who try to protect their wayward children. The worst part of Red is the Kim Dickens subplot--I like Dickens but her angle as the hard-nosed reporter is a bit much. Brian Cox is excellent, but strangely doesn't appear as the kind of man I would personally try to mess with. Maybe it's those shit-kickers he wears throughout the film. I was struck by the similar theme this film had with Wendy & Lucy, in that both concern lonely people and the only thing that cares for them, their dog. The 80's wasn't very nice to dogs, if you think about it. Remember Cujo (1983)? Or how about that 1993 film with Ally Sheedy, Man's Best Friend? Especially in comparison with hero kitty films like Cat's Eye (1985) or Sleepwalkers (1992)---I think Stephen King likes cats, as all those are King's works except the Sheedy pic. Anyhow, I like both, but I found the theme strangely interesting, as both highlight that animals are considered property and nothing else.
The Stranger (1946) --- And stranger still, the theme continued in this 40's Orson Welles pic I also happened to watch. In this one, there is also a dog named Red who gets killed, with a young man questioning what the law says about murdering animals. Funny. Anyhow, this dark little noir stars Welles, Edward G. Robinson and Loretta Young and tells the story of a Nazi Hunter tracking a very prestigious Nazi to Connecticut. Welles, a little unbelievably, is the Nazi Robinson seeks. I think I avoided this potboiler for so long because I had read somewhere that Welles tried to get this film made with Agnes Moorhead as the Nazi hunter---so I was disappointed. That would have been an excellent film. Fucking studios. But I quite like Robinson --- between him and Barbara Stanwyck in Double Indemnity (1944), I could wet my pants. Anyhow, this is an excellent little picture. Loretta Young is the weak spot but she has an interesting moment with a pistol. I also enjoyed how Robinson picks up on the Nazi sleaziness over pretentious WASP dinner table babble when Welles claims Marx was not a German, but a Jew. If you like noir, see this one.
Theatrical Releases:
Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009): I know that every January and February the studios dump their big turdy films into the mainstream cinemas. I would argue that they do that every summer, too, but the kiddies are out of school and so the rest of us have to suffer. Needless to say, this film is one of those Winter turds that looks and smells an awful lot like those summer turds---in other words, not that good but otherwise not so offensive. The producers had a decent amount of fiber, let's say. Kevin James is quite entertaining, but his Paul Blart felt more like a TV skit stretched out a bit too long. Keep in mind I have yet to see that awful looking I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007), so maybe Mr. James will spark my ire eventually. Here, he's just doing what he does best--playing a harmless fat man with a big heart and a big appetite. Cuteness abounds, especially with the supposed romance he has with the wig kiosk girl (Jayma Mays), that doesn't quite ring true. But it is a treat to see Shirley Knight as his mother, looking virtually the same as ever over the past fifteen years (you may recognize her as the mother in Stuart Saves His Family-1995; or when she was a young thing, as Paul Newman's love interest in Sweet Bird of Youth- 1962, among many other films). What made the film more noteworthy was the special man (yes, in order to spread a message of tolerance we must avoid those fun words like retarded even if the Black Eyed Peas had that hit song not so long ago) that sat directly behind us. We learned that this man apparently despised fat people, did not understand the concept of hypoglycemia, and had no idea who Olivia Newton John was. We also figured that he had no common decency or respect as he blithered on throughout the whole movie, commenting to his buddy on everything that transpired as if he was reading a lukewarm Jackie Collins' novella. (Does she write novellas? I feel like I don't converse with people that actually read Jackie Collin's 'work,' but I am surprised all the time). And as we got up to leave and I turned to bookend all of my own spits and grumbles, I realized the man was special and he was ALONE. No one was sitting by him at all. Immediately I made an executive decision not to engage the unchaperoned adult male-beast who also talked to himself in the bathroom, and, not surprisingly, neglected to wash his hands. Damn you, Paul Blart.
Waltz With Bashir (2008) -- Now, I am not one that generally raves about animated films. And I'm not really going to rave about this one. As someone who is admittedly ignorant as to what is going on in Israel and who started what, who bombed this n'that, I found the film intriguing and made me want to learn more, so I appreciate that. Overall, the film was a little tedious in the middle. The end, however, was very powerful, showing some actual footage of wailing women, distraught at the awful death and carnage in the rubble around them. In the end, I guess I'm just thankful to be living in a country where I am not subject to such religious/political warfare. It's a bit more passive-aggressive here. That's more like playing checkers. Anyhow, the film is worth a look and the animation is quite beautiful. A repeated dream sequence of young boys bathing before an awful massacre is eerily gorgeous, and in the end, a bit devastating.
Wendy & Lucy (2008) -- I have yet to see Kelly Reichardt's much lauded 2006 film Old Joy, but I will be certain to, now. From the preview I could tell how heavy Wendy & Lucy was going to be, but I found myself touched and affected. It was one of those films that I couldn't sit through the credits because I just didn't want to deal with people immediately afterwards. A simple film about a young woman trying to make her way to Alaska with only her dog Lucy, the film starts and basically stays in Oregon. Wendy gets caught shoplifting dog food, subsequently loses her poor canine and of course, her car breaks down. Michelle Williams is excellent as Wendy, and I am immediately saddened that her performance will be overlooked by Hollywood fanfare. Wendy only has Lucy, and nothing else in the world loves her or gives a rat's ass about her. The film's final moments, along with an extremely touching scene with a parking lot security guard (played by Wally Dalton) is bringing tears to my eyes as I recall it now. Director Larry Fessenden (Wendigo- 2001; The Last Winter- 2006) also makes a cameo appearance as crazy homeless man (because he looks like one). Strangely enough, I caught this at the theater the same day I saw another canine themed love film, Red, but that will come below.
Taken (2009) -- And the title of today's blog comes from this little gem of a movie. A co-worker of mine claims she read somewhere that Liam Neeson and James Woods are the most well-endowed men in Hollywood. The problem is, that's a little vague for me. Where do Hollywood's borders end? Do they have to be a SAG member? Is that like claiming to be the most well-endowed in the upper mid-west? Where does that end exactly? And I have no interest in seeing James Woods' penis, because no matter how big it is, I imagine it would look like his pockmarked face. Anyhow, my co-worker was at the movie with me and leaned over to giggle when Liam Neeson spits out the penis line at a homely little Frenchman. Taken is not a bad film, really. As most people seem to be saying, it's not that good either. By far the worst part of the film is the screenplay and the scathingly irritating Maggie Grace, ("Lost"). (On a side note, Grace's character's name in The Jane Austen Book Club-2007- is Allegra, a fitting name for something that dries up your prostate). In this film, the awkward Ms. Grace tries very to hard to play a gangly 17 year old girl. She comes across as a very special 17 year old, one that had just seen the light of day for the first time, much like you'd imagine the Fritzl kids to act after being released from that dungeon in Austria. Yes, I know that's cruel. But they have an excuse. Maggie Grace doesn't.
Needless to say, the film is at it's best between the moments Maggie Grace is abducted and when she reappears. The horrendous screenplay, however, even affects the excellent Neeson, whose interactions with old CIA/assassin/bodyguard buddies come across as awful as his interactions with his daughter and ex-wife, played by Famke Janssen. Now, I like Famke, I think she's gorgeous. Would I like to tell Famke's agent a thing or two about squandering things? Yes. I also love Luc Besson (director of The Professional - 1994, and The Fifth Element -1997), but I have become increasingly aware that he maybe can't write. Famke Janssen's character, for instance, pops onto the screen in a scene eerily reminiscent of the birthday party scene in Mommie Dearest (1981). She's really, and I mean really, very insistent that her daughter not open Liam Neeson's present because then she'd have to open all of them. And then the next time we see her she's all set to ship off her 17 year old to Paris without a chaperon. Additionally, the action sequences are a little lacking, but I found it quite entertaining to watch Liam Neeson kick a bunch of Euro-trash ass. Most of his dialogue isn't that bad (except for the penis line and "I'd tear down the Eiffel tower for her.") And I found a scene depicting an auction of young sex-trafficked women in an undeground swank hotel quite dark and disturbing---until they announced Maggie Grace as the most priceless and worthy virginal piece of merchandise---and then I laughed.
DVDS!!!
Clownhouse (1989) -- Yes, I had a movie night for this one recently. And it wasn't that frightening. Or interesting. On it's own. The film's reputation precedes it, let's say. And yes, after learning what Victor Salva did with Nathan Forrest Winters make the numerous underwear scenes a bit disturbing. It's also hard to believe that Francis Ford Coppola championed Salva which is how this film came to be made. Basically, Clownhouse is about three brothers who are terrorized by three men that escape from a mental institution and kill three clowns from the circus in town. A radio broadcast announces the escape, stating the three men were upset because they were denied their circus privileges. Really? Maybe I need more of a backstory. Privileges are always denied for a reason. They maybe ate too much canned pudding? Or were exchanging child pornography? Silly clown wannabees. To top it off, they only kinda sorta terrorize three young boys for a good hour with not very good results. It is funny to see Sam Rockwell, however, at such a young age, as this was his film debut.
La Strada (1954) -- I had a movie night for this one as well. I am a Fellini nut and I had never seen this one. For more reasons than one, I would compare it Nights of Cabiria (1957), which also stars Fellini's wife, Giulietta Masina. I prefer Cabiria. La Strada tells the story of a rather 'special' girl sold to a wandering strongman performer, played to greasy effect by Anthony Quinn. Zampano the strongman uses and abuses her but she seems unable to leave him, eventually dying sad and alone when he leaves her. The problem is, it's hard to find much to like about her or Zampano. One of Fellini's attempted ventures into neo-realism, it wasn't my favorite. But that's not to say it was half bad. Masina's head actually does look like an artichoke.
Violence At Noon (1966) -- Another Nagisa Oshima film, this one was a little on the silly side, concerning the exploits of a serial killer and the sexual tensions he had between two women from an old commune they all used to be a part of. I yawned my way through.
Ethan Frome (1993) -- Having just read the novella, I just had to see the 1993 film adaptation. Perfectly cast with the three leads, the film is not quite bad as far as adaptations go. Edith Wharton and Henry James apparently both found the framed story a savage and barbarous convention yet both of their most famous works were framed stories. I find that filmmakers often have a hard time implementing the framed story, and that is exactly where this film falters. John Madden is not the worst director, but definitely not the best. On a good note, he did Mrs. Brown (1997) and Proof (2005); but Mr. Madden also did that horrendous schlock Captain Corelli's Mandolin (2001). Nuff said. Anyhow, Madden inserts that awful 80's actor Tate Donovan, (as a priest, no less), as the frame of the story. This does not work a bit. Liam Neeson is excellent here, as is Joan Allen as Zeenie, the hypochondriac bitch wife, and Patrica Arquette, hot off the press of True Romance (1993) as the nubile young maiden that steals Ethan Frome's heart.
The Girl Most Likely To... (1973) -- I quite like Stockard Channing, and when I found out about this Joan Rivers penned TV film about an ugly girl who has plastic surgery and then goes out for bloodthirsty revenge to all the people that had been mean to her, well, I just had to buy it. The film was everything I hoped for. This may sounds like a strange horror film, but it's a bitchy black comedy. Stockard Channing really does look quite homely before her transformation but the pay off is worth it. Look for Annette O'Toole in a bit part and the entertaining Ed Asner as the police man investigating a string of "accidental deaths."
Tis Pity She's a Whore (1971) -- I had high hopes for what looked like a decent film guised as Eurotrash sleaze. After all, it stars Charlotte Rampling at her most luminous. Long unavailable on DVD till 2008, I happened to have an old clamshell VHS I purchased on Ebay for way too much back in 2003. Additionally, the film is based on Jacobean playwright John Ford's most well known play of the same title. AND it was directed by Giuseppe Patroni Griffi. You know, the Giuseppe Patroni Griffi. Okay, maybe you don't know him, but he happened to direct a film I love called The Driver's Seat (1974), also known as Indentikit and the US VHS edition Psychotic, starring Elizabeth Taylor in what I would call her last great screen performance, and appearances from Gypsy Rose Lee and Andy Warhol. However, this Griffi film has to be the most boring film about incest ever made. The Bible is more racy -- not that that's what I was looking for. At the very least I expected to laugh. But alas. I guess it made incest no laughing matter. I did have to giggle during the opening credits where the film states it was "Freely Adapted" from the John Ford play. Right. Rampling, however, was breathtakingly gorgeous, so it's still worth it to see her, even if the title is the best thing about it.
Beyond the Door (1974) -- A dastardly blatant rip off of The Exorcist (1973) AND Rosemary's Baby (1969), (what ballsy little bastards, huh?) this little shindig stars Juliet Mills as a woman possessed AND impregnated by the devil via a devil-worshipping ex-boyfriend. Sound busy? It is. Mills, of course, is the older sister of Hayley Mills, the child star of the 60's (The Parent Trap-1961; The Trouble With Angels-1966) and whom a younger generation might know from a small role as a love interest for Mr. Belding on the awful TV series "Saved By the Bell." Juliet, however, has this little plum of poop on her resume. The most entertaining elements are the dubbed children which the places the film on par with the best Lucio Fulci extravaganza. Strangely, the prepubescent girl child insists on touting 15 copies or so of Erich Segal's book Love Story everywhere, and the small boy sips Campbell's Green Pea soup through a straw. Does Campbell's even make Green Pea soup? I guess I wasn't inspired enough to research this and figured the filmmaker's were trying to make a spiffy homage to The Exorcist. I had to laugh, the rationale for Mills' possession was that some "weak" people are just victims---which means she's weak because she's a woman and has the ability to get pregnant. I don't know, I think if Satan was really that powerful he would get some evil man pregnant. If you really think about it, didn't Satan miss the boat? Hitler, Stalin, etc? Hell, if he's so set on impregnating a woman we have Ann Coulter these days. Another funny part was that the opening credits reveal the title of the film as The Devil Within Her. I was inspired by this film, however, for a themed movie night: Creepy Pregnant Ladies--more on this later.
The Lodger (1927) -- Another old Hitchcock I've been meaning to watch forever, was quite good. The film was remade with the original star Ivor Novello as a talkie in 1932, again with creepmaster Laird Cregar as the star in 1944, and now this year in 2008. So I've been meaning to see where all the fun started. Also, Ivor Novello was apparently quite the matinee idol in his time, but mostly overseas. Rumor has it he was homosexual, which highlights a lot of strange gay subtext in Hitchcock's film. This original silent was quite entertaining, if not a bit anti-climactic. I hear the 1944 film, which shot Cregar to stardom right before his untimely death, is the one to see.
Red (2008) --- Poor, poor Lucky McKee. What is up with this man? McKee's feature debut, May (2002), stands as one of the best horror films ever made. Afterwards, Mckee also helmed The Woods (2006), which I thought was quite good, despite the fact that it wasn't originally McKee's material and rumor has it the studio pushed McKee around a bit. The Woods didn't get a theatrical release, if I recall, despite starring the excellent Patricia Clarkson and Bruce Campbell. McKee also did, that same year, an entry in the "Masters of Horror" series called Sick Girl starring Angela Bettis (May) and porn star Misty Mundae. Then McKee's next feature, Roman (2006) was also not released in theaters (though McKee wrote it and let Bettis direct). So I was saddened to hear that on his newest feature, Red, McKee was taken off the project as director half way through due to what was reported as creative differences. A Dutch director I am unfamiliar with, Trygve Allistair Diesen, took over to finish filming. Overall, I quite liked most of the film. Starring Brian Cox as a sad old man who is accosted by three youths who shoot his dog Red to death just to be mean, is a touching little revenge movie. Tom Sizemore, Amanda Plummer and Robert Englund all make appearances as white trash parents who try to protect their wayward children. The worst part of Red is the Kim Dickens subplot--I like Dickens but her angle as the hard-nosed reporter is a bit much. Brian Cox is excellent, but strangely doesn't appear as the kind of man I would personally try to mess with. Maybe it's those shit-kickers he wears throughout the film. I was struck by the similar theme this film had with Wendy & Lucy, in that both concern lonely people and the only thing that cares for them, their dog. The 80's wasn't very nice to dogs, if you think about it. Remember Cujo (1983)? Or how about that 1993 film with Ally Sheedy, Man's Best Friend? Especially in comparison with hero kitty films like Cat's Eye (1985) or Sleepwalkers (1992)---I think Stephen King likes cats, as all those are King's works except the Sheedy pic. Anyhow, I like both, but I found the theme strangely interesting, as both highlight that animals are considered property and nothing else.
The Stranger (1946) --- And stranger still, the theme continued in this 40's Orson Welles pic I also happened to watch. In this one, there is also a dog named Red who gets killed, with a young man questioning what the law says about murdering animals. Funny. Anyhow, this dark little noir stars Welles, Edward G. Robinson and Loretta Young and tells the story of a Nazi Hunter tracking a very prestigious Nazi to Connecticut. Welles, a little unbelievably, is the Nazi Robinson seeks. I think I avoided this potboiler for so long because I had read somewhere that Welles tried to get this film made with Agnes Moorhead as the Nazi hunter---so I was disappointed. That would have been an excellent film. Fucking studios. But I quite like Robinson --- between him and Barbara Stanwyck in Double Indemnity (1944), I could wet my pants. Anyhow, this is an excellent little picture. Loretta Young is the weak spot but she has an interesting moment with a pistol. I also enjoyed how Robinson picks up on the Nazi sleaziness over pretentious WASP dinner table babble when Welles claims Marx was not a German, but a Jew. If you like noir, see this one.
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ReplyDeleteI didn't realize that you had such disdain for "Saved by the Bell." I think I wanted to be Lisa Turtle (played by Lark Voorhies). I also thought Zach was cute until he hit puberty hard.
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