Bell's 20 Worst Films of 2012

As has been often discussed, the 'worst' lists are often flawed designs---few of us, hopefully, are purposefully seeking to experience the most poortly manufactured examples of cinema. And by worst, I mean there aren't any redeeming qualities whatsoever, resulting in nothing if not a complete waste of time (unlike, of course, films so bad they're greatly entertaining). Certain features, like the last Twilight installment, aren't on my Worst 2012 list because I feel that cinema of this sort should be shown for free AND while you're at home doing something more constructive, like engaging in the entrance or exit of sustenance from one's own body.
Of these 20 titles, all but two are American features, and there's only one female in the bunch (Tanya Wexler). I'm well aware that certain demographics thought the exact opposite of some of these titles, as I spoke with many that seemed to love Wexler's Maggie Gyllenhaal headliner, Hysteria. The same can be said for Don Coscarelli's latest offering, John Dies at the End, which I had to sit through at Sundance 2012, and somehow played at several other major film festivals to mostly positive reviews. Both are, I still maintain, utterly execrable. And yes, I realize that Salmon Fishing in the Yemen was just nominated at the Golden Globes (please don't forget that this was the same awards ceremony that somehow nominated The Tourist in 2010), and please believe me, this film (besides wasting Kristin Scott Thomas as the comic relief) is certifiably awful.

I'm saddened to list some of these prestigious names, such as Stephen Frears, Peter Hedges, Marc Webb (even Lasse Hallstrom and Lawrence Kasdan, who've both been pretty stagnant lately). Others, like Peter Berg or Simon West, seem oblivious to their own lack of directorial skill. Without further ado, my least favorite films of 2012 are as follows:

1. Battleship – Dir. Peter Berg (US)
2. Lay the Favorite – Dir. Stephen Frears (US)
3. Jesus Henry Christ – Dir. Dennis Lee (US)
4. John Carter – Dir. Andrew Stanton (US)
5. John Dies At the End – Dir. Don Coscarelli (US)
6. Hysteria – Dir. Tanya Wexler (UK)
7. Salmon Fishing In the Yemen – Dir. Lasse Hallstrom (US)
8. Man on a Ledge – Dir. Asger Leth (US)
9. The Pact – Dir. Nicholas McCarthy (US)
10. The Words – Dir. Brian Klugman & Lee Sternthal (US)
11. Darling Companion – Dir. Lawrence Kasdan (US)
12. Joyful Noise – Dir. Todd Graff (US)
13. Mirror, Mirror – Dir. Tarsem Singh (US)
14. God Loves Caviar – Dir. Yannis Smaragdis (Greece)
15. The Odd Life of Timothy Green – Dir. Peter Hedges (US)
16. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – Dir. Timur Bekmambetov (US)
17. The Amazing Spider Man – Dir. Marc Webb (US)
18. Stolen – Dir. Simon West (US)
19. The Raven – Dir. James McTiegue (US)
20. The Letter – Dir. Jay Anania (US)