Well, hello everyone. I am on my way to the Toronto Film Festival, and therefore, my weekly rundown has to be cut short and a little early as my ass will be plastered to a theater seat for the next 10 days. Be sure to check back daily for my thoughts and reflections on the brightest and best new international cinematic offerings!
Cess Pool Cinema:
1. The Fog (1980) Dir. John Carpenter - US
2. 17 Again (2009) Dir. Burr Steers - US
3. Cocoon (1985) Dir. Ron Howard - US
The Banal, the Blah, the Banausic:
1. The Appointment (1981) Dir. Lindsey C. Vickers - UK
2. Forbidden Zone (1982) Dir. Richard Elfman - US
Astounding Cinema:
2. Ong Bak: The Thai Warrior (2003) Dir. Prachya Pinkaew - Thailand
1. Someone's Watching Me (1978) Dir. John Carpenter - US
Theatrical Releases:
1. Extract (2009) Dir. Mike Judge - US 7/10
Rewatched Goodies:
1. Cat People (1982) Dir. Paul Schrader - US
Oh John Carpenter. He's got my number one spot and also a cess pool selection with The Fog. Yes, this was my first viewing of the film and I have yet to see the recent remake. The film concerns a group of mostly unrelated characters in a Northern California fishing town fighting what appears to be pirates in the fog on the town's 100th anniversary. Apparently these pirates had something or other to do with the the conflicted establishment of the township---so the pirate version of Alex Haley. Adrienne Barbeau (Carpenter's then wife) is kind of the star of the film as the small town's radio host. She uses a creepy, breathy voice in what appears as an attempt at being sexy. However, nothing could ever beat out her infamous assets, which are thankfully not made prominent here. Jamie Lee Curtis (reuniting with Carpenter after Halloween) plays an androgynous young hitch-hiker picked up by Tom Atkins, who she sleeps with and then becomes desperately attached to. And yeah, Curtis secured a deal to have mom Janet Leigh in tow as the town's organizer. Poor Janet and her stiff old lady hair---she looks like a dandelion gone to seed. Throw in Hal Holbrook as an alcoholic priest and you have what sounds like a campy, oogy, mess. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I can't believe I stayed awake through this non-thrill ride.
We've had Big (1988); we've had Freaky Friday (1976) and a remake (2003); we've had 13 Going On 30 (2004); and best of all, we've had Peggy Sue Got Married (1985)---so why, oh WHY (insert Nancy Kerrigan emphasis) did we need 17 Again? And from director Burr Steers, whose directorial debut, Igby Goes Down (2002) was actually quite good? I know the world seems to be quite taken with Zac Efron (including my lovely boyfriend) but I guess I'm just a hard nut to crack (in some ways). And let's pray Mr. Efron doesn't grow up to look like the coke puffy Matthew Perry, starring as the drab and icky (as he usually is) aged Efron character. A plot that revolves around an unrealistic star basketball player blowing an important basketball game because his pregnant girlfriend leaves after half time (fucking dumbass teenagers) and 20 years later, it turns out, has led a miserable, resentful life due to his choice as a 17 year old is utterly, flabbergastingly, ridiculous. Tasked with being his wife is squeaky face Leslie Mann (Mrs. Judd Apatow) and his daughter, Michelle Trachtenberg---and this bitch, she's my age. I rue the day I would be forced to portray a high school student while being a 25 year old. The gimmick---Perry gets to relive his 17th year and possibly correct some of his bitter errors. And how? Via what's referred to as a spirit guide in the shape of an aged janitor, played by Bill Murray's brother, who leads Perry to convince him not to jump off a bridge one rainy night and to which Perry falls into some kind of unexplained watery wormhole---you know, those wacky instances we never feel we have to explain or ever reference again. Perry becomes Efron and we spend the rest of the miserable running time expecting to care for someone, somewhere along the way. No. Here's what should have happened---Perry/Efron should have waited until after the game to find out what's wrong with gf. Two: ABORTION. Christ, they're not even that expensive. What a bunch of sorry assed breeders, that was my thought the entire length of this film. And please, someone stop the reliving-high-school-opportunity-feel-good-movies. Anyone talented enough, or smart enough, will realize that your time in high school was not meant to make or break you. It's over! Move on with life.
And then, darling readers, you may disagree with me, but I HATED Cocoon (1985). Mealy Ron Howard tries his hand at second rate Spielberg---which Spielberg is now doing. What sounds like more of a nightmare than a bunch of self-righteous old geezers getting all rejuvenated and uppity? Well, maybe the Nazis, or Republicans, but not much else. And why did Don Ameche win a Best Supporting Actor award for this? His screen presence barely even registers. Why not Hume Cronyn? Thankfully not Wilford Brimley (who was only 50 here), whose character is the worst kind---a mouthy, old, indignant white man. At the point where Brimley loses his driver's license due to his BAD vision, I couldn't be convinced to feel bad for him. Can't see? Well, then you can't very well drive a car, can you? And the aliens come to retrieve their cocoons that have been sitting on the bottom of the ocean for 10,000 years? Well, I can't really respect a supposed intelligent race that comes to our planet to A) acquire the services of someone that acts like Steve Guttenberg or B) fraternize with Steve Guttenberg. I'm sorry, that's a big strike against your race. It is the company we keep, as they say. An exhilarating human fable, the back of the DVD tells me? Hell no!
Now believe me, I really wanted to like The Appointment (1981). It's an obscure little early 80's release that never even made it to a theater, and whose director never made another film. Starring Edward Woodward (of "The Equalizer" and The Wicker Man, 1973, fame) as an old fuddy duddy with a bizarre father/daughter dynamic, we are led, somewhat surreptitiously to believe that his idiot savant violin prodigy daughter might be an entity possessing supernatural powers. With large, angry dogs as harbingers of death, we enjoy a long dream sequence where Woodward and his wife both dream of Woodward dying in a terrible car accident. Then we get to watch an equally long build up (which I won't ruin). But it's implied that his daughter is upsetthat he can't make it to her concert, due to an important "appointment." The film has an extremely creepy opening sequence of a girl killed in the woods---also a violin player. The problem with The Appointment is that it's too vague----I despise having everything handed to me neatly and evenly, but sometimes, a film can be too pretentious for its own good. I still haven't decided, but I might change my mind about this film, but for right now, I find it a bit slow going.
Composer Danny Elfman's brother, Richard, directed a film in the early 80's---a film so bizarre and strange it makes The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1976) read like Jane Austen. And he never really directed anything else of consequence. Elfman's film, Forbidden Zone (1982) is one of those love it or hate it zany cult classics. Featuring Herve Villechaize (yes, from "Fantasy Island") as the midget king of the sixth dimension and cult star Susan Tyrell as his insane queen (the woman whose face haunted me as a child when I watched John Water's Cry Baby, 1990, and who I hear has lost both legs in recent years), the plot is really of little consequence, but has something to with the Hercules family buying a house with a portal into the sixth dimension---except that everyone acts just as strangely in the first dimension, or whatever. Some catchy songs throughout, Forbidden Zone is the type of peripheral film for those who like to ingest or smoke substances before watching a film---or perhaps it's just necessary to enjoy this one.
Now, I put Ong Bak in the top tier because it actually wasn't a bad little film. The fight sequences, which are purportedly all real stunts, are quite awesome----however, couldn't someone have found the time to also write a plot, other than a hick villager travelling to Bangkok in order to take back the stolen head of his small village's God, Ong Bak? If you can manage to avoid the sharp undercurrent of ignorant religious values, this film almost works, and Tony Jaa's stunts are amazing. The main reason this film makes it into my top tier, you ask? It's in Thai---no Jackie Chang, Jet Li forced, phonetic English, lending this film a superior, authentic edge. Will I see the sequel at this year's Toronto Film Festival. No.
And this week's top pick goes to an amazingly well done little thriller filmed by John Carpenter before he did Halloween and starring a radiant, gorgeous Lauren Hutton as a woman being ruthlessly stalked by someone in an adjacent high rise. Excellent script, excellent acting and even a lesbian turn from Adrienne Barbeau (who met John Carpenter on the set of this film). Atmospheric, intelligent, and moody, this has to be one of the least well known but best films by Carpenter---I put this right behind The Thing (1981), and is now a must have for me. Originally aired on television (which is astounding, considering the drivelly tripe Americans devour on TV today) this is a must see for fans of Carpenter, or beautiful 1970's leading ladies.
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