Out of the Past: The Week in Film

"I am no sex Goddess, but I haven't spent my life up on a tree." - Ingrid Bergman, Cactus Flower

Before mulling through my rundown of this week's scintillating cinematical salutations, let me make this announcement: I have been invited to write a column for The Minnesota Film and TV Board (mnfilmtv.org), which I have titled "Past Cinema Regression," (a play on Past Life Regression) which will consist of a weekly post dedicated to a particular film of my choosing with the purpose of resurrecting or simply entertaining an audience with highlighting delicious aspects of films that deserve (or maybe don't deserve) to have their dust brushed off. Please check out my first posting on the 1961 thriller, Scream of Fear, which you will see is listed below as one of my top DVD picks for the week.

The week in film:

Cinema Cess Pool Selection:
1. Bloody Mallory (2002) Dir. Julien Magnat - France

The Banal, The Blah, the Banausic:
1. The Gorgon (1964) Dir. Terence Fisher - UK
2. Dirty Love (2005) Dir. John Asher - US
3. Summer Palace (2006) Dir. Lou Ye - China

Re-Watched Goodies:
1. The Killing (1956) Dir. Stanley Kubrick - US
2. MST3K 3000: The Leech Woman (1960) Dir. Ed Dein - US
3. Imaginary Heroes (2004) Dir. Dan Harris - US
4. Prayers For Bobby (2009) Dir. Russell Mulcahy - US

Astounding DVD Selections (In descending order):
3. The Asphalt Jungle (1950) Dir. John Huston - US
2. Scream of Fear (1961) Dir. Seth Holt - UK (Please read my review on MnDialog!!)
1. Cactus Flower (1969) Dir. Gene Saks - US

And, in case you haven't been following, this week's theatrical surprises:
3. The Hangover (2009) Dir. Todd Phillips - US 8/10
2. Rudo Y Cursi (2008) Dir. Carlos Cuaron - Mexico 8/10
1. Revanche (2008) Dir. Gotz Spielmann - Austria 9/10

Getting the first putrid piece of photoplay out of the way, let's discuss the travesty that is titled Bloody Mallory (2002), which, title-wise, I'm guessing is a riff on Bloody Mary. Not surprisingly, director Julien Magnat hasn't directed a feature film since this venture, which plays like a bloated "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" episode that was mistakenly directed as slapstick. The special effects are tediously fevered, much like a low-brow television series, while the acting, plot, and dialogue are on par with a straight to DVD Steven Seagall flick. What drew me to the flick was the synopsis, which sounds good on paper (and perhaps could be executed correctly by a more talented director? Maybe this should have been pitched to Guillermo Del Toro), concerning a group of paranormal commandoes (think mentally handicapped Ghostbusters) that includes Vena Cava, a blue haired French-African-American drag queen, Talking Tina, a mute, blue haired little girl with telepathic abilties, and the fearless leader, Mallory, a red-haired Olivia Bonamy (star of the excellent French horror film, Them - 2006, and wife of French superstar Romain Duris), who looks like Rumer Willis, post-chin installation and with a Leeloo (The 5th Element) weave smeared with crusty Queen Anne cherries. Mallory has decided to fight evil, because, on her wedding night, she discovers her groom is a demon, and she kills him (even though he contaminates her arm with some of his blood?), which I didn't quite follow. The film goes nose-dive down hill from there as we cut to Mallory and her band of evil fighting miscreants, who, besides the telepathic child, don't really have special powers, unless you count having "Fuck Evil" tattooed on your knuckles as special---which, for some reason is tattooed in English. The Pope gets kidnapped by demons and Mallory and crew decide to rescue him, while some dull and pointless plot twists ensue. One could only hope that someone would dispose of at least one of the hapless demon hunters, however, they all unfortunately live. I had high hopes for the blue haired drag queen with the awesome name (Vena Cava would also have been a much better film title, especially since there's nothing overtly Bloody concerning Mallory, at least that we can see), however, her character only manages to be a catalyst for my biggest irritation with the film---a gay person helping to save the Pope, a man that has no problems voicing his disdain for the "transsexual creature." I know, they're fighting evil demons, but why save the Pope? He's a homophobic bigot. They're fighting the lesser of two evils. All in all, an utter waste of time, and much worse than a Troma film, which I see this has been compared to.

Ahh, The Gorgon (1964), an interesting concept for a horror film. Medusa gets all the attention, it seems, in popular culture these days, why not give her sister the stage? However, the film references the Gorgon Megaera which was actually the name of one of the Fates. Medusa's sisters were named Stheno and Euryale and I suppose their names don't sound chilling enough as I'd imagine they are pronounced "Thee no!" or "Your Ale!" But humbug to persnickety details or facts, that's the point of poetic license. What's worse is that the film is tedious, dull and nonsensical. It's the early twentieth century Europe (umm, err, Britain?) and for the past five years, a murderer has been on the loose, turning victims into stone! The film opens with a young, pregnant woman being turned to stone whilst her fiance takes the blame---though it's not really questioned how exactly he had the ability to do so...Hmmmm...Anyhow, fiance hangs himself, his dad comes to town, sees the Gorgon, turns to stone and finally we get to the movie's meat, the uptight conflict of wills between horror greats Peter Cushing, the village physician, and Christopher Lee, a big city professor. Throw into the bag Brit Scream Queen Barbara Shelley, a nurse torn between a demented romance with Cushing and the fiance's brother who is snooping around, played by Richard Pasco, an interesting looking fellow that looks like a cross between a Carradine and a seal (the mammal, not the artist). And in the end, we have some piss poor creature effects (I almost prefer the Gorgon effects used in Clash of the Titans - 1981, as here the gorgon just looks like Joan Collins woke up without curlers), a poorly thought of concept and a mediocre, forgettable film. Funny moments include the searching of a victim's casket---I don't understand why someone turned to stone would need one. And besides ELO's song, "Turn to Stone" running through my head, Barbara Shelley gets the best passage of the film when she coins the term "Gorgonized." Considered a notable Hammer film due to it's depiction of a female monster (how divine) the film never quite gets off the ground, even though it's directed by Hammer Hall of Fame helmsman, Terence Fisher, the man who directed the, ummm, first original remake of Dracula (1958) with Christopher Lee.

Now, Jennifer McCarthy's 2005 film, Dirty Love seems to be considered one of the worst films ever made. It's by no means a good film, but neither is it the worst I have ever seen, by far. Sure, some of it is a little cheesy, and maybe McCarthy's director/ex husband should be to blame, but McCarthy, as fake as she looks, is a fun screen presence. I found it to be on the same level as most Will Ferrell vehicles, neither worthy of high praise or serious denigration. The supporting cast is a bit dull, though Carmen Electra somehow manages to squeeze out a few laughs as an extremely ghetto and orange masseuse. Definitely not the biggest comedic mishap I've ever seen.

As I briefly mentioned in my review of Revanche (2008), I would write about Summer Palace (2006), the notorious film screened at 2006 Cannes that angered the Chinese government to such an extent that they put a five year filming ban on director Lou Ye (which he violated by secretly filming Spring Fever - 2009, which just won Best Screenplay at this year's Cannes Film Festival). So a big screw you to authority. Anyhow, the Chinese government was so pissed because Ye used footage from Tienanmen Square in his film concerning a violatile relationship between two heterosexual college students from Beijing University, who are eventually separated by the political climate and the Tienanmen Square demonstrations. Ye's film makes my mediocre list by a slight margin---it's really a good film, and has the potential to be engaging, both as a character study of it's female protagonist Yu Hong, and as it charts a passionate and ill fated relationship during an intriguing and pained moment in a country's history. However, there are way too many sex scenes, at least thirteen or so, that needed to be removed from the film. Not that I'm against sex scenes, but they don't all help the story, as they're not explicit (it's like watching two people dry hump) and in scenes that last three to five minutes, we're talking about nearly an hour of footage devoted to sex in a film that's 140 minutes. Not that I need sex scenes to be explicit, either, but after a while, it's purely time consuming and it detracts from the overall narrative.

I won't spend time harping about my re-watched goodies, but I managed to make the boyfriend sit down for two excellent Sigourney Weaver performances (in films that her abilities obviously transcend) the overall quite good Imaginary Heroes (2004) and her Lifetime movie recently aired, (I found a copy!!) the important message film, Prayers For Bobby (2009). I hope she gets an Emmy. Meanwhile, she has seven new films in the next two years, purportedly, so I can't wait. And of course, The Leech Woman (1960) and The Killing (1956) were last movie night's screenings in the Coleen Gray double feature. And yes, The Leech Woman would probably be a bit painful to sit through without the MST3K treatment.

John Huston's The Asphalt Jungle (1950) makes this films list of top picks, though it is by no means the best film noir out there. The aforementioned The Killing (1956) is an excellent film partially because it makes Sterling Hayden an intriguing screen presence. Not so with The Asphalt Jungle--the man is as flat as penny on the railroad tracks, his usual mode. I love how, in retrospect, the film poster and the DVD release make significant use of Marilyn Monroe's presence in the film, though she's only in two scenes. Her presence is electrifying, because we know she's Monroe. Otherwise, she's just another dame in a noir. I was most intrigued by the presence of a young James Whitmore (he looked old then) and Jean Hagen, pre Singin' In the Rain (1952)---and who I also recently caught in her last screen role in Dead Ringer (1964). Hagen was always beautiful, but she's given the awful task of having to be infatuated with Sterling Hayden (which is about as believable as Gene Tierney loving the loser Richard Widmark in Night and the City - 1950). Anyhow, a heist goes all wrong when the despicable Louis Calhern decides to sabotage Sam Jaffe's plan. In accordance with Hollywood's film code, the bad guys get what's coming to 'em, but it's still a fabulous little noir from a first rate director.

And rounding out the list this week is Gene Sak's (The Odd Couple-1968; Barefoot in the Park-1967) excellent adaptation of Cactus Flower (1969), starring Ingrid Bergman, Walter Matthau and Goldie Hawn in her first major role that also landed her an Oscar. Featuring excellent, hilarious performances from the great Ingrid Bergman and Goldie Hawn as a sweet, doe-eyed ingénue, Cactus Flower is an excellent witty comedy, whose only downfall is Walter Matthau. Yeah, Walter’s a funny guy, but his character is a playboy and Matthau was already too jowly and oily for the role by 1969. The plot revolves around a 5th Avenue dentist (Matthau) who has been lying to his young girlfriend (Hawn), claiming he was married in order to avoid a true commitment with her. But when Hawn makes a lukewarm suicide attempt, Matthau attempts to cover up his lie by claiming he will get a divorce from his wife, additionally leaving behind three imaginary children. Hawn becomes so distraught at the thought of hurting Matthau’s wife, she insists on meeting her, creating the film’s comedy of errors. Enter Bergman, playing Matthau’s crusty, by-the-books and droll nurse/receptionist. Unbeknownst to Matthau, Bergman is in love with him and faithfully (though reservedly) poses as his soon to be ex-wife, resulting in a variety of awkward and hilarious situations. One extremely strange dance sequence with Bergman and Hawn at a nightclub has Bergman inventing a bizarre, goofy dance move called “the dentist.”

Oddly enough, Bergman’s infamous fall from grace in the early 50’s as a result of torrid affair with Roberto Rossellini (which resulted in the birth of twins, one of whom was Isabella Rossellini) was due to the fact that she was married. To a doctor. The film made me realize how much I need to see some of Bergman’s later work, and she steals the show here. Hawn is quite good as the nubile young woman, though she resembles Twiggy in that she looks in need of immediate sustenance. Working in a record store, the film shows her several times in a bright yellow outfit that make Goldie look like a canary or a character from “The Simpsons.” And with all her lip quivering she often looks a bit special---though thankfully she eventually grew into her face and her expressions in later 70’s and 80’s films and didn’t look so impaired. Did Hawn deserve the Oscar? I think so, as she was up against Sylvia Miles (Midnight Cowboy), Dyan Cannon (Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice), Catherine Burns (Last Summer), and Susannah York (They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?), though I might rethink that on a re-watch of York’s performance.