Sunday, February 1st "La Strada"

This Sunday's film selection is Frederico Fellini's La Strada (1954), starring Anthony Quinn, Richard Baseheart, and Giulietta Masina, wife of Fellini who starred in a number of his films, including Nights of Cabiria (1957) and Juliet of the Spirits (1965). La Strada tell the story of a girl sold to a circus strongman, played by Masina and Quinn, respectively. Anyone familiar with Fellini should be excited at the mere prospect. It goes with out saying that wine will be available and also antipasto kebabs. If you haven't seen a Fellini film and can't make it to La Strada, I highly recommend the above mentioned films, along with 8 1/2 (1963) and La Dolce Vita (1960).

By the Skin Of Our Teeth

I love learning new facts. I am especially pleased when I learn something new that I can use to great advantage later. Today I learned the word "kegel." Now, I am familiar with what "kegel exercises" are, but was never aware there was an exact term. Since I have not been a part of a pregnancy class, I may have never discovered it. As fate would have it, however, I am now enlightened. And I love it. "Kegelling" should be the new "scissoring." I've also learned, via the interweb, that there are kegel exercises for men. Eventually, with enough exercise, you can hang towels from your genitals and if you're persistent, drill holes and pound nails into things like cheese or soft-wood trees, such as the ever popular conifer family. I thought these skills all came naturally. Hence, my ignorance.

Anyhow, the moral of that story is to teach you all, my darling readers, all several of you that is, something new as today's kegelling was an inspiration. The title for my blog today is a very popular saying, and in no way am I referencing the Thornton Wilder play. Do you know what the saying means or where it came from? Originally, "by the skin of one's teeth" came from the Geneva Bible, and is supposed to indicate a narrow escape from a disaster. For example, "Being hungover, I avoided today's sermon by the skin of my teeth." See. You try it. Obviously, someone/thing (I didn't care to find the exact point of reference-yawn) was attempting a sense of humor in the Bible as we don't have skin on our teeth. Even those poor thalidomide babies didn't have that. And finally, we're getting to the subject of today's assessment, two films that prominently feature teeth.

The Proposition, a 2005 film from Australia, brings together an interesting amalgamation of talents to tell an intriguing story of the 1860's Outback. Above all, it has to feature the most realistic orthodontia in a Western film to date. Guy Pearce stars as Charlie Burns, a man given a proposition, or, rather, an ultimatum by the rural town's local authority, Captain Stanley, played effectively by Ray Winstone. Pearce's proposition is to hunt down and kill his older brother or his younger brother will be hanged. Come to find, an unspecified amount of time before the narrative begins, we learn that all three of the Burns brothers raped and killed a pregnant woman who happened to be best friends with Winstone's wife, played by the quiet and potently melancholy Emily Watson. John Hurt also pops up as a strange little character--interesting how he always manages to get paid to portray alcoholics---or is that just worked in with his presence? I love John Hurt, don't get me wrong, he takes part in a ton of films I love and respect, both in quality and subject matter.

Back to the story, Guy Pearce is so mild mannered and his younger brother so weak and pitiful it's hard to imagine them raping a pregnant woman---but they did, complicating those usual warm and fuzzy feelings people seem to have when watching Guy Pearce. Danny Huston, as the extremely psychotic older brother is both unnerving and believable. I have always found Danny Huston to be slightly pompous and repugnant as he often portrays seedy individuals, like in Birth (2004). Interestingly, Huston used to be married to Virginia Madsen, and his sister, of course, is Anjelica.

The Proposition is an excellent film, in the end being, I believe, about morality. Each character is a bit ambiguous as to whether they're truly good or truly bad---the point being maybe, that time and place was about survival of the fittest. An extremely violent film, it was written by Nick Cave, of 'Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds." I was extremely impressed, and heartily recommend this film. I realize I haven't divulged a great deal of the plot, but you should just see it yourself. Directed by John Hillcoat (The Road - 2009). And yes, with the exception of Watson, everyone appears to have something akin to skin on their teeth.

The other toothy title up for discussion is the 2007 film, Teeth. Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein, (son of painter Roy Lichtenstein), Teeth is the type of tongue in cheek black comedy/horror film I adore. Concerning the exploits of Dawn (played marvelously by Jess Weixler), and her repressed League of Virgins-like Christian outlook on sex, we learn that Dawn possesses that horrific, mythical subject that has terrified phallic cultures since the beginning of time: the vagina dentata. In other words, a toothed vagina. Conveniently, Dawn has a mutation in her female genitals that allows her vagina to literally bite off things that poke her when she feels threatened. You know, like fingers and stuff. The film does not paint heterosexual men in a kind light at all, catapulting the film at times into what could be described as perversely uproarious. It's not so far fetched in its treatment of how men treat naive or vulnerable women. I haven't seen a gynecologist pull those tricks since The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992). All of the men in Dawn's life are most certainly despicable and deserving of their, ummm, amputations. If the director's name is familiar it's because before Teeth he appeared most notably Ang Lee's excellent film, The Wedding Banquet (1993) as Simon. Personally, I find it amusing that the director of Teeth is gay---who else could get away with a horror film based on one of academia's most argued and profound symbols attached to portrayals of female sexuality in the horror genre? Certainly not heterosexual men or lesbians. Maybe a militant feminist. I guess I could imagine Gloria Steinem helming something similarly themed. Maybe not Betty Friedan, though. I'd make an Ann Coulter joke here but maybe that would seem out of line.

Overall, if you haven't seen this film, seek it out, it's a wicked little thing. I love the scene where Dawn loses her virginity in the dark, cavernous cave---the film effectively displays numerous scenes with vaginal imagery and I believe makes one rethink using crass words like 'snatch.' So in the end, Teeth is one of the best female powered horror films I've seen in a while.

Wednesday, January 28 -- Victor Salva's "Clownhouse" (1989)

I realize this may be in bad taste for a GLBT themed movie night, but I have chosen Victor Salva's 1989 horror flic Clownhouse as this Wednesday's selection. You may at first not blink twice at the title or the director's name, however, if I were to tell you he directed Powder (1995), then your little wheels would start to turn, feebly maybe, but turn they would. As some of you may recall, Victor Salva was convicted of pederasty after taping sexual acts with a young actor from his feature film debut, Clownhouse. The actor, Nathan Forrest Winters, went on to crusade against Salva when Powder was released, causing a bit of boycott at the box-office. However, that particular film was still critically well-acclaimed. Salva originally only served 15 months of his 3 year sentence. Strangely enough, he also directed Jeepers Creepers (2001) and Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003), with no word of his past misdeed to hamper the huge success of either of these films. Before you judge, remember that Roman Polanski fled the country after admitting to having sex with a 13 year old girl (in Jack Nicholson's flat) and still remains in exile. Add to that, Polanski has since won an Oscar for best director and remains a considerable figure in the art-house and pop culture scene.

Anyhow, Clownhouse should make for a fun little film, as clowns are creepy anyway. This film is also noted as the film debut for Sam Rockwell. I will be making Cotton Candy Cake to compliment the evening. Cheers.

For a decent review of the film, visit this link:

http://www.popcornpictures.co.uk/cfilms/clownhouse.shtml

Gay Samurais, Dead Rappers, & Bette Davis (Now there's a movie title)

As always, there's a ton of stuff I've seen that I don't make time to flesh out. Some films you see and you give them as much thought like the time your mom told you that smoking cigarettes was bad or when Whitney told us crack was whack. Anyhow, here's some recent flics:

Non-Theatrical Release:

Prayers For Bobby (2009) - Yes, Sigourney's new film. I was surprised at the quality of this made-for-cable venture, Ms. Weaver's first. You don't have to be gay to get misty at this awesomely acted little film (except for Scott Bailey--he's a little stiff, so to speak). If you haven't managed to see this, please do. I don't know how much it will change ignorant peoples' minds, but I am so happy to see my lovely lady in a film with a subject very near and dear to my heart. She better get a damn Emmy. I shouldn't write any more because I only want to say gushy things. Most of all, I was surprised it was not the usual cheesy Lifetime fare and am truly proud to tout this as a class act. Though set in the early 1980's, the sort of happenings in Prayers For Bobby are still happening today.

Theatrical Releases:

My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009) - Now, I haven't seen the original 1981 film, but I'm willing to bet it's a more forgive able foray into shit-tastic films than this one. Jaime King and the gay boy from "Dawson's Creek" turn in some pretty felch inducing performances. But I can't blame them---the material is horrendous. Yes, it's 3-D and I thought it would be fun and 2009 looks to be the year 3-D is resurrected. (My gal Siggy's got Avatar coming in December!). After about ten minutes, I realized that 3-D wears thin. I'd rather watch a drunken sorority girl wipe her ass with a Pom-Pom in 3-D for 60 minutes, but then, I didn't get to choose.

Notorious (2009) -- Not a remake of one of my favorite Hitchcock films (thankfully, for now), but an overall decent biopic about slain rap artist Biggie Smalls, aka the Notorious B.I.G. Jamal Woodard stars as Christopher "Biggie" Wallace (aka the man with more handles than a drag queen in heat) and turns in a laudable performance. I love Angela Bassett and she gets to play Ms. Wallace, his mother. I did detect a note of a Jamaican accent in certain scenes with Ms. Bassett, but she seemed to drift in and out--maybe that's just me. I guess if I was the director, George Tillman Jr., and my only previous film was the tragically overwrought Men of Honor (2000), I wouldn't have tried to tell Angela what to do. I've heard that the real Ms. Wallace was happy with the film. And why shouldn't she be? I'd be honored to have Angela Bassett portray me in a film. But unless it's directed by Todd Solondz as a followup to Palindromes (2004), this will never come to fruition. And Angela's biceps will always look nicer than mine. Dismay. Now, L'il Kim, on the other hand, reportedly is unhappy with aspects of the film. I, in fact, found the film to treat her rather gingerly and Naturi Naughton's performance induced more sympathy for L'il Kim than ever that woman could on her own. And the other notable performance was Derek Luke as P Diddy, and not because his performance was a revelation. Rather, Mr. Luke is about fifteen thousand times better looking than Puffy could ever hope to be. So, there's someone else that should be happy with a film that is otherwise a standard biopic. Sadly, there have already been incidents of violence, including death, in several locations where this film is showing. Does that make cinema look powerful or humans look ridiculous?

Gran Torino (2008) -- I definitely did not want to see this film after seeing the preview, which I thought looked hokey, offensive, and a little racist. I mean, a Hmong family needing and appreciating the protection of a 70 year old crotchety white man after he continually has treated them like shit? I don't think so. And after that awful piece of shit called The Changeling, starring Angelina Jolie in the most undeserved Oscar nominated role since I can't even think I am SO irritated, I really didn't want to touch this with a ten foot pole. Or any pole. But I happened to catch it and I was pleasantly surprised. In fact, I liked it a bit. Clint is very enjoyable but the film is filled with a plethora of racial slurs, the reason it didn't make one of my top choices of the year. In the end, the film makes you cheer for Clint's hard-nosed softie. After the film was over I kept returning to what I didn't like and I kept realizing that if Clint's character was someone I met in real life, I wouldn't feel the same way. I'd say, the greatest generation or not, you can't call anyone non-white whatever you'd like. Plus the pastor sub-plot annoyed me to no end, and the little redhead looked more like a chubby bull-dyke than any kind of Irish Catholic priest. Also irritating, Clint insists on singing (at least half of) the 'theme' song that plays at the film's end. I could have done without that. Clint sounds like Tom Waits, only more like he was embalmed.

DVD Reviews:

Taboo (1999) -- What may stand as Nagisa Oshima's (In the Realm of the Senses - 1967) last film, Taboo centers around the story of a gay samurai set in the world of 1865 Kyoto. I found Oshima's latest effort to be strikingly intriguing, almost bordering on black comedy. The film tells the story of an appealing and rather androgynous young samuari who joins a shogunite only to ignite discord amongst the other samurais, all who wish to court (or bed) the young fellow. A recent retrospective was done on Oshima's films at the Walker in Minneapolis. This was one you shouldn't have missed if you did.

Happy Together (1997) -- Another movie night feature, Happy Together makes me appreciate Wong Kar Wai even more than I already do. His film manages to be quite melancholy, but also rather touching and hopeful. Gorgeous, gorgeous cinematography and a touching performance from the excellent heartthrob, Tony Leung. See it if you haven't.

Sorry, Haters (2005) -- I remember vaguely hearing of this film upon it's release and I finally got around to watching it, and I LOVED it. Robin Wright Penn made me so uncomfortable I actually had to take a film break. I also love seeing Elodie Bouchez (Wild Reeds -- 1994; The Dreamlife of Angels -- 1997), though her part is small here. A film that rather prominently tries for a political, 9/11 bent (I'm not sure how much I really loved this angle, but it manages to remain plausible), Penn and Abdel Kechiche are heartbreaking and lovely. I found the film to be very intense and vicious. Kechiche is also the director of Secret of the Grain, currently garnering a lot of attention. Sandra Oh is also a fun little force and is used effectively in her handful of scenes. Josh Hamlilton also pops up randomly (as he usually seems to--does he have a day job?). See this, please.

Dante 01 (2008) -- Another movie night feature, Marc Caro's first feature film solo is quite disappointing. I can understand why it didn't get distributed here. While beautiful to watch, the plot is hammed up by some not well-explained Biblical imagery mixed randomly with historical references and other ancient mythologies. I would recommend this only to die hard fans of Delicatessen (1991) and City of Lost Children (1995), both of which Caro co-directed with Jean Pierre Jeunet. Linh Dan Pham and Jeunet regular Dominique Pinon are featured in Dante 01.

Chocolate Babies (1997) -- I've owned this strange little independent feature for a few years on VHS (it was never transferred to DVD) and I finally managed to watch it. A somewhat fractured narrative, the only film directed by Stephen Winter was nevertheless entertaining and highlights a subject matter that I wish were discussed in film more often, mainly AIDS/HIV and it's effect on the lives of individuals that aren't upwardly mobile gay white men. Chocolate Babies is very much for the gay community and it borders on black comedy, but what do you expect from a film about a bunch of noisy, bitchy queens (they're own handle, not mine!). Most entertaining of all was the actor portraying Larva, Dudley Findlay, Jr. Now there's someone I wish was in more films.

Les Vampires (1915) -- The most interesting aspect of this 7 hour silent French serial is getting to see 1915 Paris. Filmed on the fly and banned for years due to its apparent glorification of crime, Les Vampires is a long series of shenanigans concerning a group of jewel thieves in Paris that refer to themselves as the Vampires. Most notable of the group is Irma Vep (an anagram for vampire) played by silent film star, Musidora who reminds me quite a bit of actress Theda Bara (whose name is an anagram for Arab Death) -- and you think actors are strange now. Some excellent stunts and entertaining energy levels help you through the breakneak speed of the haphazard plot. Directed by Louis Feuillade. And yes, it took two sittings, my friend Erik who is as crazy about film as me, some pizza and a minimal amount of alcohol.

At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul (1964) -- The first film in Jose Mojica Marin's Coffin Joe trilogy (actually, as of 2008, quadrilogy), introduces us to Ze, an undertaker with creepy fingernails and a LOT of machismo to back up his evil nature. Coffin Joe is apparently the equivalent of the Brazilian boogeyman and I must say, I see why these films are cult classics. I mean, the plot really does center around a creepy gravedigger who prowls the night to find a female to bear him a son and continue his "bloodline" jibberish (so a bit old school--maybe he should had learned he could easily pay for someone to do that---like in If These Walls Could Talk 2). I am excited to see the followups, Tonight I Will Eat Your Corpse (1967) and Awakening of the Beast (1970).

The Skin Game (1931) -- An early Hitchcock I had been neglecting to see, I was pleasantly surprised. Concerning the age old predicament between old money and new money, this film tells an effective little tale about vanity, and of course, a woman with a past of prostitution that unravels every one's plans. Oh those hookers, they ruin everything.

Confusion of Genders (2000) --A goofball comedy from France that's basically about one very bisexual man is both very European in it's tastes but also not funny. What's meant, I think, to be a comedy of errors sort of situation is instead a bit awkward and silly. Pascal Gregory stars, and even his charismatic self couldn't elevate this one beyond mediocrity. Yes, Pascal has aged very well, tres, tres bien. However, he can't keep it in his pants and I get tired watching people fling themselves at assholes. I was also irritated because this was the second film I recently watched where a rather gorgeous young woman makes herself look like a boy to please a gay man. That maneuver did not work for this film, directed by Ilan Duran Cohen.

Two Drifters (2005) -- Directed by Joao Pedro Rodrigues, this strange little story was both entertaining and it stayed with me after watching it. This was the other aforementioned film about a beautiful young woman developing an obsession with a young gay man. However, as this film's main character, Ana Cristina de Oliveira stars as Odete -- and she is batshit crazy. And I believed her transformation. Concerning a handsome young man mourning the tragic death of his boyfriend, Odete begins to assume the dead lover's identity after a failed hysterical pregnancy. And I LOVED the very last scene. Lovely and perverted.

The Maids (1974) -- A very British production of Jean Genet's play, Glenda Jackson and Susannah York are both disturbing and also batshit crazy as the rather neurotic sisters hired as maids for a very passive aggressive woman. Reminiscent of the excellent Sister, My Sister (1994), but it's pretty talky.

3 Bette Davis:

Beyond the Forest (1949)
All About Eve (1950)
Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1964)

Now, I'm probably more of a Joan Crawford guy--she wasn't a better actress than Bette Davis but she was so damn over the top I always have a good time watching old Joan movies. I also collect Bette Davis films but haven't seen as many. Luckily, I started my boyfriend on the excellent The Anniversary (1968), and he has developed one of those fascinations I love to foster. So recently we watched Beyond the Forest, the film that infamously ended Bette's relationship with Warner Bros. and which includes the famous line "What a dump!" Altogether, not a bad film. However, Bette Davis strangely tosses herself into a ditch and then seems to rapidly develop what seemed to be emphysema. This is never explained, even though Joseph Cotten, as her husband, is a doctor. Overall, supreme camp from director King Vidor--but good camp, as only Bette would have it.

Now, I've seen All About Eve before but it was years ago. I think I forgot how damn excellent the whole picture is. Excellent cast, excellent Bette. George Sanders always got on my nerves a bit--it's that bored, monotonous voice he drones on with, so it's strange that he's the only one that got an Oscar while Thelma Ritter, Bette, Anne Baxter, and Celeste Holm were all nominated. But then Anne Baxter got herself nominated for Best Actress and split the votes so neither she nor Bette won. And so Judy Holliday won instead. Who cares about Judy? Plus, I love Joseph Mankiewicz, who would go on to direct one of my favorite films of all time, Suddenly, Last Summer (1959). And how can you not want to beat Anne Baxter's face through the whole first half of the film? Oh Moses, Moses! I love doing Ann impressions from The Ten Commandments (1956). It's up there with Nancy Kerrigan.

As for Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte, it's not quite as good as Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, but it's still pretty damn good. Agnes Moorhead is amazingly creepy as Davis' maid, Velma--she looks like a sewer rat that some strange kid kept as pet and tortured by making the creature wear a dress and a wig made out of a mop. My favorite behind the scenes story about this film goes back to the Crawford/Davis feud on Baby Jane -- Davis was nominated for an Oscar in that film and Crawford was not. Davis was almost positive she would win, but Crawford, pissed that she wasn't nominated, contacted all four of the Best Actress nominees and asked if she could accept their award for them if they weren't planning on attending. As fate would have it, Anne Bancroft could not attend the ceremony. As you know, Anne Bancroft did win that year for The Miracle Worker. Legend has it that Joan Crawford pushed Bette Davis out of the way backstage stating, "I have an Oscar to accept" when Bancroft's name was announced. Apparently Davis never let this go and when Robert Aldrich began to develop the followup to Baby Jane, Davis finnagled her way into being a producer, granting her creative control. Joan Crawford was originally set to star, but Bette, bent on vengeance, eventually forced Crawford into faking illness to get off the set and Olivia de Havilland replaced her. As fate would have it again, Davis was not nominated for Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte, but Agnes Moorhead deservedly was. If you haven't seen it, please do so. Also stars Joseph Cotten and is Bruce Dern's film debut.

Saturday, January 24th -- WORLD PREMIERE "Prayers For Bobby"

Now I know everyone is aware of my thoughts on Sigourney Weaver, so I had to honor her and have a get together for the World Premiere of her first made-for-cable feature, Prayers For Bobby. Directed by Russell Mulcahy, who also helmed a few episodes of "Queer as Folk," Bobby relates the true story of Mary Griffiths and the suicide of her son Bobby because she couldn't accept his homosexuality. After his death, Griffiths became a gay rights advocate. The film, which is getting decent reviews and rave reviews for Sigourney Weaver, looks to be an important event not to miss, especially if you know me. The film also stars Ryan Kelley as Bobby and Henry Czerny (The Ice Storm - 1997) as Papa Griffiths. If I didn't inform you personally and you know me, get a hold of me for details.

The Unborn – aka The Boy with the Striped Irises (2009)

What is this poster trying to say? Who is the audience? This poster looks like he's rather angrily singing some Bible verses, maybe against abortion? Is it a heavily accented Irish drama concerning birth control, Catholics, and Angelina Jolie?

Would you have guessed it's about a Jewish demon from Auschwitz trying to surreptitiously possess a young Jewish maiden in 2009? Well I certainly didn't.

Before we begin deconstructing this lovely little piece of cinematic cancer, I want to remind you of an age old adage about people—basically, there are two kinds; those who believe the cup is half empty, and those that believe it is half full. If you are the latter, then you would say that the new horror film, The Unborn, is perhaps the best Jewish Horror Movie of 2009. If you are the former, then maybe you’d say this film is an anti-Semitic Horror film (or, really, not worth anyone’s time and energy).

It’s odd, but this film fits into the strange phenomenon of Holocaust/WWII themed films that opened over the past several months: Good, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Valkyrie, Defiance, The Reader, etc. Are any of these in German? No. I haven’t seen all of these (I just can’t bring myself to give Tom Cruise money at the box office) but I’m going to be a slippery slope (no pun intended) and say that they were all relatively better than The Unborn, which went wrong in so many ways, I have to devise a plan of attack.

The CAST: Let’s begin with the film’s pretty little lead, Odette Yustman, who bravely portrays a young teenager who is in danger of being possessed by, what is colloquially referred to, as a dybbuk (which is, roughly, a Jewish demon). Ms. Yustman was previously blasted across our cinema screens in last year’s Cloverfield, which I will admit is less irritating, but still a trial in logical patience. She was the young lady whom the hero had to trek across the city to rescue because he had seemingly shagged her months before, and thereby caused the death of all his vacuous disciples while en route. Ms. Yustman’s performance in this new schlock-fest is, for lack of a better word, garbage. It’s about on par with Jessica Alba’s turn in The Eye. (To tell the truth, most of Alba’s astute characterizations come across as though she really were blind). Sadly, Yustman has the most screen time, the worst dialogue and I really wanted to tell the demon to possess a less bland and boring Jewish girl.

Next, we have Jane Alexander. Yes, that’s the same Oscar nominated Jane from The Great White Hope (1970), All the President’s Men (1976), Kramer Vs. Kramer (1979), and Testament (1983). So what’s she doing here? Well, Jane was nice and creepy in her small role in The Ring (2002), but here, she comes across a little silly, what with her faux-German accent, clutching a pointy Jewish star in the nursing home and being saddled with explaining just what silly shenanigans are happening to the film’s heroine. She strangely resembles Anjelica Huston in her nursing home scenes from Choke (2008), but in that film, Huston also played herself in the twenty-year flashbacks. Hmmmm.

Next stop on the Pointless Express is the boyfriend, played Cam Gigandet, who had to have a few shirtless scenes in order to elevate the dullness of his presence. Mr. Gigandet was also in another of 2008’s worst films, Twilight.

The saddest travesty of The Unborn, cast-wise? GARY OLDMAN. What the hell, Gary? Couldn’t they have found a more believable Jewish rabbi? Was it the writer’s strike Gary? I mean, this is the man that was in The Professional (1994) and True Romance (1993). And all those god-help-me-isn’t-the-last-one-filmed-yet Harry Potter movies! I’m guessing that the director, who got screenwriter cred for The Dark Knight (2008), somehow manipulated or drugged Mr. Oldman into performing in this debauchery. Or like poor Gina Gershon in Showgirls (1995), maybe he just didn’t read the script. Either way, his faux-Jewish wig-hair-do and the exorcism scene made me wish this was straight to DVD for Gary’s sake. And almost not worthy of complaining about is Carla Gugino (Sin City – 2008; Spy Kids – 2001), who barely blips onto screen in flashbacks as Yustman’s mentally deranged mother who hanged herself. Maybe someone did read the script.

The PLOT: (SPOILER ALERT). Now I am sorry if I ruin the phantasmagorical anti-climactic elements of this tripe, so do not read on if you want to savor this for yourself. I will say one nice thing—I did like one or two little set-pieces that could have been considerably creepy if used by the right director. But from the opening scenes on, I was struck by how poorly this whole concept was played out. It’s never really clear how old the three teens are. Gigandet is older than I am and Yustman is the same age as me. Yet they all live in their parents’ huge mansions and their parents never seem to be home. However, in one classroom scene set in a lecture hall (with a benign discussion of what existed before time or some such vague hoodoo) it seems these youngins are in college. Hmmm? Which leads me to awful scene number one: Yustman babysitting. Whether or not she’s in college, the little boy she’s sitting manages to bitch-slap her and utter the awful line “Jumby wants to be born.” Several instances later and Yustman is fake-girl-crying/screeching, “He said….Jumby wants to be born!” Oh, the horror! Yes, I laughed. I was thinking of Jomby from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. I mean, come on. Jumby? Plus, Yustman keeps seeing this bedraggled little boy all over who looks like a street-sweeper from Oliver Twist, with his computer generated luminescent eyes that are supposed to be creepy. Then Yustman’s irises start to change into this color.

Well then! the plot takes another nosedive when Yustman visits the eye doctor who tells her she may have been a twin. Lo and Behold! She asks her busy bee dad, who informs her that in utero, her umbilical cord strangled her twin brother. Evil bitch. This upsets Yustman so much, she digs through some old things in some readily accessible room in her pristine home and finds a news clipping that leads her to Jane Alexander. Yustman discovers that Alexander is her grandma, and she’s Jewish. Sacre Bleu! Her grandma was a fraternal twin in Auschwitz and the street urchin Yustman keeps seeing is her great-uncle, (grandma’s bro), who Dr. Mengele killed by presumably injecting some kind of glowing radioactive material into his eyeballs. Well, the little boy died but then came back possessed by the aforementioned Jewish demon. Right, right, I buy it. EXCEPT that anyone who knows anything about Mengele knows his real interest was with IDENTICAL twins. But I guess he probably killed a load of frats (I also loved the flashback sequence in which the twins arrive at Auschwitz, are offered candy, and also have pristine, un-stained blue mittens). Anyhow, Jane somehow pushed the spirit back to somewhere, something mumble mumble (it’s never divulged) and then it came back to get the twins in Jane’s daughter’s tummy (but Yustman’s fetus took care of that!) and now, an unsaid, undisclosed number of years have passed and it wants Yustman. Finally! This twin angle----I had a big problem with it. “Twins are like mirrors. And mirrors are gateways.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Identical twins are mirrors, not fraternal twins (e.g., not mirror images). And then, the second laugh out loud line, coming from Alexander, “The dybbuk has a taste for our family’s blood.” Oh, now it’s all clear to me. Hence, this is an anti-Semitic horror movie, a new type of J-horror, if you will. What am I supposed to think? A demon possesses a dead Jewish twin in a concentration camp and continues to harass and molest these poor Jewish ladies because why? They’re JEWISH! Nazi demon. Apparently the demon is unaware that there are plenty of Jewish twins to needlessly possess. If anyone cares to be offended, spread the word, I guess.

Finally, the in-congruencies. First, the neighbor child that keeps popping up (also the ugliest kid I think I’ve seen in film---only because he looks a little down-syndromey---he actually isn’t special, so I think it’s okay to stick with ugly/homely), it’s never explained why he gets possessed. He’s not a twin…….soooo....

Second, there’s a scene where Yustman and her boyfriend go out dancing at a club. She, of course, has a histrionic episode in the bathroom (which no other young ladies use in at least an 8 minute time span---a bit unrealistic). Afterwards, Yustman’s at home, chatting and crying and cooing at her girlfriend online. Then she goes to bed. Then she sleeps long enough to have a nightmare. Then her grandma calls her to come over as she needs to see something. Then Yustman exclaims, “But it’s midnight!” Really? I guess when I go clubbing at 4PM I can accomplish a lot by midnight, too.

And in that bathroom scene, a bunch of potato bugs soaked in poopy liquid crawl all over Yustman. In fact, potato bugs pop up all over. This is never explained and there aren’t any potatoes. (These are actually Jerusalem crickets---and they don’t have any strange ties to Jews, demons, or anything evil---as you can see, this awful director made me want to check the facts).
I also found it funny that Gary Oldman has to blow through a big mammoth horn before beginning his Hebrew chanting during the exorcism—how Celtic. Another fun moment was when the audience learns that Yustman’s reference book (which she seemingly steals from the public library) is called “The Book of Mirrors,” (which sounds like a quick read at least) and is technically a book about Kabbalah mysticism. And then it dawned on me---Madonna may have, just may have had a hand in writing this awful little jaundiced turpitude. And maybe she was credited under a pseudonym---you know, an Alan Smithee kinda thing. Ru Paul calls her Madogma. I say Madybbuk.

Also, our film’s heroine can’t even do everything she’s told. Alexander tells her to smash every mirror in the house, burn the broken pieces, then bury them in the back yard. Voila, regenerated hair growth. My dybbuk instructed me to do the same. No luck. But the film blatantly shows us that Yustman neglected to burn ALL of the mirror pieces. Bitch is asking for it.
One last final thought….before I tell you to ignore this film…..I was initially excited about hearing there was a new horror movie called The Unborn. Immediately, I though to myself, “YES! A Remake of that Brooke Adams movie from the early 90’s!” If you saw it, (I’m chuckling to myself), maybe you’ll understand. I never cared for Adams, (she was a little blank, and, frankly, homely, as if she were Annabella Sciorra’s janky sister) but the film, directed by B-Schlockmeister Roger Corman, has some amazingly bad views on abortion, creepy mutant-killer babies, and motherhood obsession—all themes I wouldn’t mind cinematically revisiting (I love It’s Alive – 1974). Most thrilling of all in 1991’s The Unborn: Kathy Griffin as a lesbian, getting clunked to death with a hammer.

Wednesday, January 21 -- Wong Kar Wai's Happy Together (1997)

Wednesday night's film is from highly acclaimed Chinese director, Wong Kar Wai. You may be familiar with some of his more famous works, Chungking Express (1994), In the Mood For Love (2000), and 2046 (2004). Recently, Wong Kar Wai recut his 1994 epic, Ashes of Time, which was released in the States in 2008 as Ashes of Time Redux, and also in 2008, his first English speaking film was released, My Blueberry Nights, starring musical artist Norah Jones, Rachel Weisz, Natalie Portman, Jude Law, and David Strathairn. (And I could not understand why Norah Jones was cast as the lead, being the least interesting screen presence I've seen since Jeff Fahey).

For anyone familiar with Chinese film or Chinese culture, representations of sexuality, in any context, is taboo. Wong Kar Wai's award winning 1997 film, Happy Together, centers around two young men from Hong Kong as they arrive in Argentina and the subsequent ups and downs of their relationship. Starring Chinese superstars Leslie Cheung (Farewell My Concubine - 1993), and Tony Leung (Infernal Affairs - 2002, In the Mood For Love - 2000). Below is the link for a lovely review:

http://www.reel.com/movie.asp?MID=40708&buy=closed&Tab=reviews&CID=13#tabs

I'm sure I will try to have something festive like rainbow colored dim sum. But if that doesn't work out, there's always pizza rolls. Be there for the importance. Be there for the love.